


We'll see

by apieformydean



Category: Bandom, Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance
Genre: A lot of them - Freeform, Accidents, Attempt at Humor, Awkward Mikey, Basement Gerard Way, Birthday Party, Broken Bones, Bullying, But not enough to tag it as a fandom here, Depression, Explicit Language, F/M, FOB is real, Feels, Fist Fights, Flirty Pete, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, I love me some trashy cliffhangers, I'm not necessairly dead, If it's not updates for weeks, It's a bit like Sherlock, It's on hiatus more than off of it, M/M, MCR is not, Mikey doesn't like labels, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV First Person, POV Mikey, Pete is bi, Some actual lyrics and song/album titles ensue, Some background P!ATD actions, Some bad references and puns, Summer of Like, Sweet Little Dudes, To Be Continued, Triggers, Violence, Well at least for now, idk yet, implied Frerard, mainly Petekey, maybe in the future
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-12
Updated: 2015-10-28
Packaged: 2018-04-08 21:05:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 37,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4320684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apieformydean/pseuds/apieformydean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Okay, let’s get this clear,” I turned towards him, shaking his arm off me. “I’m not going to be your next one night stand. I’m not like that.”<br/>“I’ve never asked you to be.” he looked at me with an instant serious expression, which was kind of impressing.<br/>“Well, you- I mean- then what do you want from me?” I looked at him in confusion.<br/>“I want to get to know you.” Pete said, with similar tone. “You really thought I wanted to get into your pants? I mean, I do want to, there are a couple of things on my mind in connection with that, just for the record.” he grinned again, sitting up on the rails. It was quite brave and stupid of him, because if he really was drunk, that was a bad idea. “But I can wait.”<br/>“What if I told you it would never happen?” I asked with a frown.<br/>“We’ll see.” he winked at me.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It’s 3 a-fucking-m, and we really should be inside

**Author's Note:**

> Yeey so first Petekey fanfic, because I love the two dorks and i just cant cope with my feelings alone  
> so i came here and share it with you all :33
> 
> also, written without a beta, and English is my 2nd language, so don't be surprised if you find mistakes but feel free to tell me about them!
> 
> written for the prompt: “don’t die on me oh God please don’t die on me stay with me look at me look at me i’m right here you’re gonna be fine oh God please don’t die on me i s2g if you die i’ll kill you” au
> 
> i always succeed at turning these prompts into something that a normal human being wouldn't think about  
> and i'm too proud of that

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frankie's 20th birthday party.

I couldn’t help but smirk, as I stepped in the crowd of people. I really wasn’t a social person, and didn’t matter how hard I tried to be comfortable with the situation, I felt like a total idiot. If it wasn’t for my brother, I would have simply turned around and left. Sensing my train of thoughts, Gerard put a hand on my left bicep.

“Don’t you dare thinking about leaving, Mikes.” He warned me, with a deathly glare. I wasn’t actually afraid of him, I just rather felt obligated to come with him. His almost-boyfriend Frank invited him to his 20th birthday party, and Gerard said yes before really thinking about it. I was sure they would end up together in a bed before dawn.

“Okay, but if you leave me alone in here, I’ll find something sharp to remove the part of you which Frank is so eager to get.” I grimaced as he punched my arm, cheekbones practically glowing pink. He had his hood on, and now tried to hide under it completely.

“We are totally not going to… _do anything_ , okay?” He mumbled, scanning the crowd on tiptoes. Frank must have been quite a popular kid if he had so many people to invite.

“Sure you won’t.” I smiled sardonically, but rolling my eyes as I turned away. The living room was made into a dancefloor, and some already tipsy couples were mingling there. The music was not that bad, although I haven’t heard it before. “Come, there must be some coke in here.” I told Gee.

I mean, I would have, if he had been there. I groaned. I was sure I had the shittiest big brother in the world.

Being a lanky 18-year-old meant I could peer over the crowd, but unfortunately it was not that easy. Frank had a fucking huge house, and I had no idea why. He was probably planning on living there his entire life, married to Gerard, raising their three kids and forty-eight dogs.

I decided I didn’t need him. I wasn’t going to cling to him; he obviously had some more interesting people to do. I actually found the table in the corner where the drinks were, and grinned at the fact that Frank listened when I told him I liked coke. He really wasn’t the worst Gerard could have chosen. I mean, if you buy coke for your future brother-in-law, who happen to be _me_ , you are good.

After a while – and I mean in like ten minutes – some girls started to sit closer and closer to me on the couch I sat, and I tried to pretend I didn’t realize or mind at all. However, it was actually pretty disturbing. Almost all of them were way older than me, and I didn’t want to think about how much they had that made them think I was the best they could find.

I was too thin, with too long limbs, brownish-blond hair and glasses. Gerard liked to refer to my look as “the Ultimate Unwashed Nerd Lesbian”. It’s funny because the same thing applied to him as well.

When one of the girls started a conversation, and her second sentence was “So would you come and find a room with me?” I decided I had enough. Not so politely I stood up and wandered out in the hallway. I had to push my elbows between some giggling girls and massive guys, and finally I could slip in the kitchen. I was sure the smell of the people was already making me drunk.

Luckily I didn’t have to look for Gee too long, because there he was, with Frank, laughing at something.

“Fucking hell, you left me totally alone, dickhead!” I put my hand on the hooded figure’s shoulder, who was back on me. I only saw Frank’s expression, with a slightly open mouth, but then he grinned.

“Mikey, I’m glad you made it! I think you two haven’t met yet.” He gestured at the boy between us. I frowned. What did the he mean- Oh. _Oh._ He turned around, facing me, and he  was definitely not Gerard.

“Well, I usually don’t leave boys like you _alone_.”

He had chocolate-coloured eyes, heavily contoured with black eyeliner. His hair was in his forehead, and he flashed a grin at me. He was taller than Frank – okay, _everybody_ was taller than him, really – but definitely not as tall as me. However, he still made me falter.

“I- um.” was the first thing that left my mouth. I felt my cheeks heat up. “Sorry, I thought you were my brother…”

“So he’s here, too?” Frank’s face lit up, and if I hadn’t been so embarrassed, I would have rolled my eyes.

“He actually left me to find you, but seems like it didn’t really happen.” I explained, trying to ignore the other guy’s face, and the fact that he was checking me out. Why the hell was he wearing a hoodie anyway? Was that a requirement to become Frank’s dude or what?

“Thanks, kiddo.” Frank ruffled my hair – I was actually impressed that he could reach up to it – and left.

“Happy birthday, by the way!” I yelled after him, but he didn’t hear (or just ignored) it. He was obviously too distracted by his huge hard-on.

“Soooo,” I heard the guy say. “You are the second half of The Way.” He grinned at me, chuckling slightly at his own pun.

“That made no sense, you know.” I told him, not even bothering to look at him. I took out my phone. I thought about texting Ray, asking where the hell they were, when- “Oh, fuck.”

“What happened, sugar?” the guy was still grinning, checking me out for the sixth time or so, just in the past two minutes. What did he just call me?? Oh well, whatever, I decided not to comment on it, because he seemed to be my only option as company for the rest of the night.

“Ray texted that he won’t make it here, because he and Bob were going to some concert. You know what P!ATD is supposed to mean?” I looked up at him, and found he was already scanning my face. It felt rather uncomfortable, but it also made me feel something else in my stomach. Or maybe it was just the coke.

“Panic! At the Disco. You know, the most popular band on campus? Well, at least, for now.” He suggested, and somehow he managed to speak while that damn grin was still on his face.

“Yeah, right, I guess.” I shrugged, and texted back to Ray.

“What, you mean you don’t know them?” he asked, with disbelief.

“No, I’m actually-“ I started, but didn’t finish. Why did I feel embarrassed about the fact that I was still in high-school? It was not like I gave a shit about this dude’s opinion.

“Oh, now I remember. Frank told me about you. You are eighteen, aren’t you?” if that was possible, his grin widened. “Well, at least what I’m thinking about right now is not illegal.”

A high-pitched “Excuse me?” slipped out of my mouth, and he laughed.

“Oh, Mikeyway.” He shook his head, and I swallowed.

“You know, it’s not quite fair to call somebody by their name, if they don’t know yours.” I commented, ignoring the small sparkles in my chest. What the hell was going on in there?

“You are not tricking me into telling you my name, pretty boy.” he winked at me, and I rolled my eyes, turning away, so he couldn’t see me blush.

“You are such a twat.” I told him, peeved. He just chuckled, and I was wondering how many did he drink to become so happy by anything I said, even if I insulted him. Maybe he was just like this.

“So your brother and Lord Pansy are doing the gay right now?” the guy asked, and I almost laughed, before realizing I couldn’t. That would have made him so satisfied with himself, and I couldn’t give it to him.

“If my brother was not like a giant scared puppy, they surely would be.” I answered instead.

“Hm, giant puppy.” he said, thoughtfully. “Seems to be Frank’s type.” he nodded, and maybe I checked him out a little bit in the meantime.

He was wearing a similar hoodie to Gerard’s, but it seemed to be smaller. His nails were painted black, and he had skinny jeans on. I mean, skinny _fucking_ jeans. Seriously, I was more than a bit worried that his legs got no blood. However, it was good for one reason. I really didn’t have to use my imagination at that point.

“I know what you are looking at, Mikeyway,” he said suddenly, and my heart skipped a beat. He grinned mischievously. “Maybe you’ll even have the opportunity to see it close up tonight.” he wiggled his eyebrows, and my mouth went dry.

Gosh, what was he doing to me? I never experienced such things before, not from a few words. There was something in the guy’s eyes that didn’t let me believe he was real.

“Hey, what’s that, kid? The cat got your tongue?” he gave me a half smile, stepping closer. It didn’t matter that I was four inches taller than him, he totally had me pinned against the counter. I couldn’t take my eyes off his face, and my heart was ridiculously racing. He put his hands on both sides of me on the counter, and stood on his tiptoes. He cocked his head to the side, analysing my face, and I couldn’t breathe. What the fuck did he do to me? He kept coming closer, I could feel his breath on my lips, but his chocolate eyes still kept mine, and I thought about kissing him. It would have been totally acceptable, right? Even though until that moment I didn’t really thought about doing such things to a boy, but whatever. Anyway, I wanted _him_ to do it, so I just closed my eyes, and waited for his gorgeous full lips to-

“Hey, Pete, come, it’s time to spin the bottle!”

And he was gone. Like he wasn’t even pressed up against me the moment before, he was standing exactly where he was when I checked him out. I cursed the chic who called him. My breathing slowly normalised, and my heartbeat was steady again. I pushed my glasses up on my nose.

At least I knew his name now.

“Come on, Mikeyway, I want to spin the bottle for you.” Pete’s stupid grin was back, and I knew the moment was gone. In addition, now I felt like a total hooker.

“You do realise that my name is only _Mikey_ , right?” I asked, with a smirk.

He just laughed and shook his head, leaving for the living room. He looked back at me, nodding towards the room, motioning to follow. Since I had no other plans for the evening, I obeyed. But totally not because Pete wanted to spin the bottle for me.

 

The game was a total waste of time. It was not funny, not interesting, just perverted and childish. I really didn’t expect 19-year-olds to be so immature. Touching and too-drunk-too-sloppy kisses were gross. I was lucky I only had to do it twice. A blond girl with glasses, who seemed to be a bit soberer than the others, had to kiss me. We both weren’t so enthusiastic about the game, so we shared a sympathetic look, before quickly pressing our lips together. The other one was a much more drunk redhead, she wanted to swallow my whole tongue. I had to wipe my face on the sleeve of my white denim jacket so I wouldn’t suffocate in it.

However, Pete was having a whole damn make-out party. He had every girl in the circle, and most of the boys, but not me. I felt strange about this. I knew I was not supposed to feel disappointed, and I told myself I really wasn’t. Yeah, I didn’t want Pete anywhere near me, because he surely was a player. With that face I knew he must know how to get what he wants, hell, he almost got _me_!

He was watching me the whole time, and was shameless when I caught him staring. He didn’t turn his gaze away so I just decided to stare back. It obviously satisfied him, and we were getting some funny looks from others after a while, so I gave up. I looked at the bottle instead, and only saw from side-glances that he was grinning to himself.

Gerard and Frank obviously didn’t show up. I thought they were surely having their own ‘truth or dare’ upstairs, in Frankie’s room. At least I hoped they were. They had so much eye-sex in my presence that it started to be embarrassing for me. Frank was good to Gerard, he kept him sane, as impossible as it sounds. And Gerard was fucking head over heels for him.

When everybody got tired of the game, it was past 2 am, so the people started heading home. I was glad they decided to, because the redhead was still looking at me as if I were a piece of meat. I was already creeped out when she and her friends finally decided to leave. I didn’t really want to leave without Gerard, and it seemed like he would stay the night, so I went to the guestroom. I found an undamaged pillow in one of the cupboards and a blanket as well and made the bed.

I was about to undress and go to sleep, when without knocking the door swung open and Pete yelled: “Cover yourself, princess, I’m coming in!”

“You fucking bastard!” I practically screamed. “Get out of here!”

“Sssh, Mikeyway, we don’t want to disturb the little fuckboys next door, now do we?” he asked, pursing his lips.

“I don’t give a shit about them.” I informed him, but he was right. I really didn’t want them to rush in the room while I have my belt unbuckled, Pete standing in front of me.

I redid the belt, and went out on the balcony, folding my arms on my chest. We were two storeys high, over the rose shrubs. The night was a rather cold one, being the end of October. Frank’s birthday was actually two weeks ahead, but it was on Halloween, so the midget decided to hold a party now, so he could do it the next week as well. Very clever.

Pete followed and stood next to me. Like, fully-pressed-next-to-me.

“What the hell are you still doing here?” I asked. “You should have gone home.”

“Not an option, sugar.” he smirked. “I’m too drunk to drive home. And, which is more important,” he put his arm around my waist. “You stay the night, and I couldn’t forgive myself if I left you without company.”

“Okay, let’s get this clear,” I turned towards him, shaking his arm off me. “I’m not going to be your next one night stand. I’m not like that.”

“I’ve never asked you to be.” he looked at me with an instant serious expression, which was kind of impressing.

“Well, you- I mean- then what do you want from me?” I looked at him in confusion.

“I want to get to know you.” Pete said, with similar tone. “You really thought I wanted to get into your pants? I mean, I _do_ want to, there are a couple of things on my mind in connection with that, just for the record.” he grinned again, sitting up on the rails. It was quite brave and stupid of him, because if he really was drunk, that was a bad idea. “But I can wait.”

“What if I told you it would never happen?” I asked with a frown.

“We’ll see.” he winked at me.

“But seriously, what if it was _never_ going to happen?”

“Never say never, Mikeyway.” Pete laughed. “But I still would want to be friends. You know. Sweet little dudes. No homo.”

“I feel like ‘no homo’ is not in your dictionary.” I grinned at him, and when he saw I was in a good mood again, he laughed. It was strange, but endearing. Like a kitten with a hiccup.

“Hey, let me show you something.” he said, digging in his pocket for his cell phone. His legs were swinging, and he didn’t hold himself with his hands, and I readied myself to catch him if he were to fall. When he managed to get the mobile out, he searched in it, and a song started. It was vaguely familiar. Yeah, I heard that, hours before, in the living room.

“What’s that?” I asked, but he only held up a finger. So I listened. It was a rock, definitely, but I couldn’t really recognise it. That must have been some new band.

“It’s our band.” he grinned proudly, and I frowned.

“For real.”

“It is!” he claimed, voice a bit higher than usual. “I write the lyrics and play the bass.”

“Excuse me if I don’t believe that.” I raised an eyebrow, grinning. It was good. Very good, to tell the truth. The lyrics had meaning, and it was the most important for me in music.

“Oh, let me show you, Mikeyway.” he smirked, handing me the mobile. He took hold of the rails, standing up on the sill.

“The fuck are you doing?” I asked worriedly. He only answered when he found himself standing steadily.

“I show you how I play the bass.” he grinned, and started to play the air-guitar. His hips were swaying, arms swinging. His hood fell off his head, and he shook his hair. I really tried to repress the feeling, but it was ridiculously hot, and I licked my lips. “You like it, don’t you, sugar?” he grinned down at me, and he started to sing. “I don’t blame you, for being you…” Okay, his voice was fucking gold and my heart was fluttering in my chest. He was a total idiot, but a rather adorable one. When the song got to the guitar solo, after the chorus, he jumped a little.

And that’s when his feet slipped.

And I wasn’t fast enough.

The last thing I saw were his beautiful huge eyes, looking at me, begging for help, and I couldn’t do anything. My heart stopped, the cell phone slipped from my hands, but I didn’t manage to reach out for him.

Pete fell.

He gave no sound, only cried out when he hit the ground, and then I came back to my senses. I never have been more scared in my whole life.

The first thing I thought about was jumping after him, but that was obviously the worst idea ever, so I ran out of the room as fast as I could, yelling for Gee and Frank. I raced down the stairs, to the kitchen and out of the backdoor.

There he was, between the roses, lying still. My first thought was that he died, but after a moment I felt my throat tighten, and mentally punched myself for being an idiot. I kneeled next to him. His eyes were tightly shut, and he was grimacing because of the pain. There were several cuts and wounds on him, caused by the plants around him, which were poking my legs as well now, but I didn’t care.

“Oh my god, Pete, tell me you are okay, are you okay? Look at me, can you see me?” I asked him, hardly understandable. I felt my sight blur, and wondered if I was about to get a heart attack.

“Chest- Mikey-“ he groaned, and I definitely liked it better when he called me by my full name. I figured he must have broken his ribs, and maybe his left arm, judging by the weird angle it was bent. Well, at least I hoped those were the only damaged parts.

“It will be alright, I got you. I’m here, you will be fine.” I told him, in a hysterical tone, because I didn’t want him to die. We just met each other, and it really wasn’t fair. A raging and scary voice in my head kept on screaming it was my fault, my fucking fault, because he would have never gotten up there if it wasn’t for me in the first place.

“Fucking hell! What happened, Mikes!?” Frank yelled above me, but I didn’t look up. I couldn’t risk that. I heard somebody else talking on the phone next to him, and I really hoped it was Gee, calling the ambulance.

“He fell out.” I answered, voice now so low that it was barely audible. Pete’s face was now a bit more relaxed, but he still didn’t open his eyes. “Damn, Pete, don’t you dare dying on me, please, don’t pass out or I will freak out and you don’t want to know what I’m like when I freak out, because I cry and yell and say the most idiotic things like I do right now, but I just can’t stop, because I know you are now listening, and I want to keep you awake, don’t be afraid, Pete, the ambulance is coming, they will be here in a minute, or two, if there’s a traffic jam, but I’m sure there isn’t because it’s 3 a-fucking-m, and we really should be inside, because I know you are freezing, damn I’m freezing, too, but-“

I was cut off by Frank, who wore only a pair of boxers – which were Gerard’s by the way – and he tried to drag me away from Pete. I just couldn’t do that. It was my fault, all my fault, and I needed to be there for him, talk to him and keep him conscious.

“What the living fuck are you doing?!” I yelled at him, and Frank stared at me with wide eyes.

“He is my friend as well, if you forgot that.” he said, not in an offensive tone, but it managed to shut me up. That was true. And probably, if Pete could have spoken, he wouldn’t even have wanted me there. The thought made my insides clench.

“They are here in five.” Gerard came out with a shirt for Frank in his hands, tossing it at him. The smaller boy put it on, still not letting me at Pete.

“How the hell did _this_ happen?” he asked, and I didn’t want to answer. Pete was constantly giving small sounds of pain, and each was a tug at my tongue. Frank positioned his arm next to him, which made Pete hiss, his face distorting.

“We were… uh, he stood up on the rails, and danced-“

“He did what the fuck?!” Frank snapped, and when he turned at me, his eyes were full of fury. “And you fucking let him dance on the goddamn rails?!”

“It was not my fault!” I yelled back at him, although I was totally convinced it was. I wouldn’t let others blame me, however.

The ambulance arrived. Two men brought a stretcher, and put Pete on it. I was sure they knew how to handle these kind of things, still, I followed their every movement, as they brought him out in the car. They gave him some painkiller intravenous, and said it would let him sleep in some minutes. They asked if we were to go with Pete to the hospital, and I volunteered. Frank was about to protest, but Gerard took his hand, silently telling him he needed to stay because the house was a mess, and that he would stay with him.

I ended up riding the ambulance with Pete, who was about to pass out in fifteen minutes.

“Oh, god, Pete, I’m so sorry, I can’t even tell you how sorry I a-“

“Hush, p- pretty boy.” he said, his voice shaky and I knew it was extremely painful for him to talk, so I did as he told me to, and shut up. He held out his hand, and I took it, massaging the back of it with my thumb. He managed to smile at me before he actually fell into a slumber, and that smile made me want to rip my heart out.

I really hoped they could fix him in the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think i should make a sequel to it? a recovery au?  
> tell me your thoughts in the comments :3
> 
> thank you for reading ^^


	2. Yes, Fucking Way.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> second chapter yaaay!! *party in undies*

I took a look at my watch. It was almost 6 am, and I yawned.

The hospital was quite peaceful at night. Most of the lamps were switched off. The nurses, however, thought about me and left some on. I was sitting by the door of Pete’s room, in an uncomfortable plastic chair. They said he wouldn’t wake up for hours, but I refused to leave.

When I closed my eyes, the only thing I saw was him, slipping off the sill. I spent hours thinking about it and was sure that it wouldn’t let me sleep, even if I wanted to. Which I didn’t. I wanted to be there and awake when he woke up, to tell him I was sorry. I just hoped he would forgive me.

Gee called at 4, asking if I were to get back to Frank’s, or if it was okay for them to go to sleep (huh, sleep, sure). He totally got it that I had to stay. He would have done the same, he said, and I knew he wanted to add “for Frank”, but it didn’t seem right.

I had no idea what made me so protective about Pete. We literally knew each other for some hours, and still, when the doctor came out of his room, telling me he would be okay after some sleep, I was the happiest person ever.

It was three hours ago, and now I knew I would soon fall asleep. I drank four espressos from the coffee automat, but they helped nothing. My nerves were like pieces of wet sponge, and my eyelids were about to snap close every time I didn’t stop them to do so.

After Pete got his arm plastered up and ribs iced, I had to tell the doctor what happened. I was so uncomfortable, I was blabbing, but she was calm all along, and in the end she wrote everything down. I wasn’t sure if I wanted it documented anywhere that Pete was dancing drunk on the balcony rails, but it was too late to be sorry.

“Mr. Way?” A voice called my name, and I shuddered. That was Pete's doctor, walking towards me. Her expression was sympathetic, I must have looked dead tired and had enormous black circles under my eyes. „I came to check on Mr. Wentz. You can join me, if you want to.”

I knew I should have jumped at the opportunity, but stopped myself a moment before. Would he be angry at me? He had all the reasons to be. However, I really wanted to make sure he knew how sorry I was. I nodded at the doc, and she sent me a little smile. She opened the room's door silently, and peered in.

“Oh, good, so you are awake.” she remarked, and entered. After a deep breath I followed her. Pete was lying on his back, the cuts on his face were covered by Band-Aid, and his arm was lying next to him. When he saw me, a surprised smile appeared on his face, and I didn’t find my voice. Luckily the doctor asked him some questions, about pain and his breathing, before I got the chance to talk to him.

“Alright, I'll leave you two alone now. You should sleep as much as possible, so keep it short and sweet, okay?” she asked, then smiled at him and whispered. “Your boyfriend was here all night. You are lucky.” I felt myself blush furiously, but couldn't correct her. Not with seeing the proud expression on Pete's face. She left, closing the door behind herself.

I stood in one place, worrying at the hem of my shirt. What could I say? I swung from one leg to another, eyes fixated on my shoes. They were pretty dirty, compared to the white tiles of the floor.

„Hey, you’re creeping me out, sit down.” Pete asked, nodding towards the end of his bed, and I silently did so.

He was watching my face carefully, but I didn't look at him. I knew I had to apologise more, just didn't know how. It was much easier when he was about to pass out. I was chewing on my bottom lip, and just when I decided to finally talk, he interrupted.

„Boyfriend, huh.” his voice was playful.

„Oh, shut up.” I smirked. „I didn't say anything like that to her. I think she assumed I was, since-”

“Thank you, Mikeyway.” he said, and I just blinked at him. His expression was not mocking, it was honest and grateful.

„For what?”

„Not leaving me alone.”

“Of course I wouldn’t leave you here alone, I was the fucking cause of all this.” I reminded him, eyebrows high.

„Yeah, it was totally _you_ who made me climb up there and pushed me over the rails.” he smirked.

„Come on, you know what I mean.” I waved him off. “I want you to know… I’m so sorry, Pete. I shouldn’t have let it happen, should have stopped you.”

“Don't even try to blame yourself, sugar.” he told me, his gaze finding mine and not letting it go. I swallowed hard, but didn't look away. „Nobody can stop me in those moments. I was a total idiot, and drunk, which makes it a bit less embarrassing, I guess.” he smiled and shrugged.

„Not really.” I responded without thinking. He laughed a bit, but then coughed and grimaced. He tried to hide it from me, but didn't succeed.

“The doc said you can go home in a week, she'll prescribe some painkillers and a lot of resting.” I pondered, because I didn't want to think about how much pain he must had.

„It sounds worse than it actually is.” he reassured me, referring to the cough. I just nodded, I didn’t know what to do. „Frankie and Gerard?”

„They stayed at Frank's. I think they are together now or what.” I smiled a bit.

„It was about damn time.” he grinned.

„Yeah, tell me about it.”

Silence fell between us, and he was watching my face with a strange expression. It wasn't mad or anything, I'd actually say it was dreamy. I couldn’t imagine why.

„So you liked our music?” he asked, smiling widely.

„You're fucking unbelievable.” I chuckled in amusement.

„Yeah, and the sky is blue.”

„Well, yes, it's pretty great. I guess.” I added, because I didn't want his ego to grow even bigger. Then the room would have been too small to contain it. However, his eyes lit up.

“I think you’d love a concert of ours.” he offered. I raised an eyebrow, and he lifted his broken arm a bit. “Well, after this heals. Maybe I could take you to one.”

“Why?” I asked, confused.

“That’s what sweet little dudes do, don’t they?” he winked at me.

“I suppose.” I shrugged but my chest filled up with a feeling I couldn’t define. Thinking about him on the stage, bass guitar in his hands, jumping and singing – on a much more solid ground than he did last night… it was definitely something I wanted to see. But he didn’t have to know about that, obviously.

I felt my phone buzz in my pocket, and took it out to see it was Gerard.

“Hey.”

“What’s up, Mikes?”

“Uh, Pete woke up. They said he needs to rest, but he will be okay.” I explained, watching the abovementioned guy smiling at his lap. The fingers of his broken arm were picking on my ripped jeans, touching the skin under it. It was ticklish, but I didn’t shoo his hand away.

“Then I should collect you? Frank asked if we could help him cleaning up the house.”

“Yeah, sure. Ring me up if you’re here.”

“Well, we are on the way actually. Frank wanted to visit Pete. So we are there in like ten minutes.”

“Kay, see you.” I was about to end the call, but I heard him say something. “What was that?”

“You know that what happened wasn’t your fault, right?” he asked, and I knew he meant it. Still, I was sure Pete wouldn’t have stood up there if it wasn’t for me.

“We’ll talk about it later, okay?”

“Alright.” Gee sighed.

“Bye.” and I hanged up.

“So you leave already?” Pete looked up at me, pouting. His expression was adorable, and I just frowned at the thought. It wasn’t the right adjective to use for a 20-year-old male, however, it still passed.

“Yeah, you have to sleep. The doc said.” I wasn’t sure why I added that.

“Oh, don’t worry your pretty little head for me, Mikeyway.” Pete grinned and I rolled my eyes.

“Just go back to sleep, will you?”

“No, talk to me.” he protested. “I don’t want to sleep. Who knows when I’ll have the chance to be alone with you again?” he wiggled his eyebrows.

“Fine.” I sighed. “You are a stubborn jerk.”

“Oh, yeah, keep talking to me like that, it makes me wet.” he pursed his lips, and I laughed.

“What do you want me to talk about?”

“Anything. You, mostly.” he said

“What about me?”

“Jeez, darling, should I draw a map?” he chuckled. I just grimaced, but thought about it.

“Okay, so…” I began, not really knowing what to say. “I’m eighteen, Scottish/Italian, go to high-school, like unicorns, coke, Anthrax, horror movies… things like that.”

“Well, ‘things like that’ is not an acceptable answer now. You have to be more specific.” Pete explained seriously.

“What do _you_ even mean? That’s me who only got to know your last name when Frank told the ambulance men! Your turn now.” I stated, and he smirked.

“Alright, I’m 20, bisexual, love pandas. Pizza is the overlord, play a handful of instruments, quite good with words. And already have the prettiest boy in town sitting on my bed.”

There were several things keeping me speechless at that point. The first, that he was one of the strangest people I knew, the second, that he was obviously more interesting than me, and the third, that actually the first time since we met, the said something flirtatious without winking.

“That’s… wow.” was all I managed to say. Very attractive, I know.

“It’s not much, but hey, how could I be better when you even mentioned unicorns?” Pete grinned.

“Well, yeah, unicorns are the coolest.” I stated.

“They are.” he agreed, and we were just looking at each other. I could almost hear the cheesy rom com background music playing.

His company was so comforting. It almost made me forget about the remorse I felt. Almost. He was smiling like it was nothing, but I was sure he was in pain. The painkillers should have been about to wear off. Maybe I could have found the doctor and tell her to make sure Pete got enough medication. Or maybe not. She already thought we were together.

The thought of it didn’t bother me so much, though. I knew it should have, but it didn’t. Pete was rather attractive, to tell the truth. Not the typical, heavily built, suntanned macho, but somehow I found him much more handsome than that kind of men. It was strange, because I have never even thought about my sexuality twice. I always just accepted I was a poor excuse of a heterosexual, absenting every trace of the ‘sexual’ part, with a body of the gayest gay to ever walk the Earth. At least I was told so by some fellow classmates.

And, speaking of gay, the hospital room door opened, and there they were. Gee and Frank, walking in the room, hand in hand. Gerard was the first to recognise they shouldn’t do it in front of us, and he let Frankie’s hand go. I guess he thought we didn’t know about them. In fact, clearly the whole damn city knew about them before _they_ did.

“Hey, man, you look like shit!” Frank announced happily. I was sure it was his way to express he’s been worried about Pete. The guy in the bed knew it, too, and just laughed at it.

“Great, to see you, too. I mean, _you two_ actually managed to crawl out of bed for me. I feel special now.” he grinned. The abovementioned guys both blushed a little, but Frank fired back.

“I hope you didn’t go nuts with this idiot, Mikey.” he nodded towards Pete, who just smirked.

“He actually had a pretty pleasant time, right, sugar?” he wiggled his eyebrow, and I changed a sympathetic look with Gee. We had no word in this conversation, but that was okay. They needed their bro time, and we respected it.

“Treat him right, asshole, or I’ll hunt you down.” Frank grinned, punching Pete’s unharmed arm.

“Oh, I’ll take care of him, trust me.” he smiled, and it was not a teasing one this time. It was more like promising. I frowned. It was not like we had something, right? I mean, I couldn’t imagine it to be a serious attempt from his side. Oh, speaking of…

“So you are, like, official now?” I heard myself ask, and Gerard turned away, groaning in a ‘Mikes, why do you have to be so irritating’ way. I loved to be the annoying baby brother to his know-it-all big bro.

“It’s a bit messy yet, but I guess we can say that.” Frank smiled at me, and looked back at Gee. He took my brother’s hand and kissed his cheek. They were tooth-rotting sweet, and although I couldn’t stand cute couples, I decided they were okay to have around.

“That’s all sweet and everything but, you know, I have to sleep or what. So would you continue the make-out in the hall?” Pete asked with a fake grimace, and I grinned.

“Dick.” Frank said.

“Pansy.” Pete shot out his tongue.

“Alright, you two say your goodbyes, just make it quick, gosh.” Gerard rolled his eyes, took Frank’s hand and pulled him out of the room. I was sure they could hear everything we said, so I was sure to tell Pete:

“I’m really looking forward to the day when they actually grow up.” I sighed. I seriously believed that I was the most mature of the three of us. Now four. “Then, um, I guess I’ll go.” I said awkwardly, not really knowing how to say goodbye.

“Hey, you can’t leave without a goodbye kiss.” he said with a grin. I just frowned, not sure if he really meant it. “Come on, I deserve it. I’m small and cute, and injured, how could you deny it from me? Just one small kiss on the cheek?” he offered, fluttering his eyelashes.

“You’re going to be the death of me.” I told him, but leaned in for a kiss. I knew he wouldn’t let it go, so it was better to be over with it at once. My lips barely touched his skin, but I could feel how smooth his cheek was. I also smelled his cologne, and it was rather pleasant. I was sure I looked fucking clueless when I stepped back. He just grinned in an ‘I’ll never wash my face again’ kind of way. I knew he was kidding.

“When will I see you again?” he asked, his expression joking, but the tone of his voice suggested he actually looked forward to that.

“I think I could come tomorrow? In the afternoon, ‘cause in the morning I have school.”

“I’ll take you at your word.” he smiled, and I nodded.

“Well, try not to do more harm to yourself till I come back, okay?”

“No promises.” Pete flashed a toothy grin at me.

 

The car ride to Frank’s was odd. Gerard rode shotgun of course, as usual. Unusual was the fact that their fingers were tangled all along, and I was seriously worried that Frankie was not paying enough attention to the road. I mean, if you drive a car, keep both of your goddamn hands on the steering wheel, is that too much to ask? I was sure they already had their fair share of touching each other last night, and the thought of it made me gag. As I said, I was very happy for them, but it didn’t mean I had to know the details.

“Pete seemed to be very happy that you were there.” Frank noted, while we were collecting rubbish in the living room. It was a fucking mess. I didn’t realise it was so dirty last night. There were broken glasses, leftovers, and just trash in general in every inch of the room. I was happy the party wasn’t held in the whole house.

“What do you mean?” I asked, knowing exactly what he referred to.

“It was nice of you, going with him to the hospital.” he explained, still avoiding to say what he obviously wanted to know.

“I was with him on the balcony, I felt like it was the right thing to do.” I shrugged, but saying these words made me feel guilty again.

“Was that the only reason?” Frank asked, frowning. He looked up at me properly. He wanted to read from my eyes, but I didn’t let him. _Also, there’s nothing to read from there_ – I reminded myself.

“I don’t get it.”

“Mikey, you can be such an idiot sometimes.” Gee grinned at me. “Pete is eyeing you as if you were the last fucking copy of first edition X-Men.”

“Wow, thank you, Captain Nerd-in-Love.” I grimaced. It was actually one the nicest things Gerard could say, considering his love for comics. I wondered if it was true, though. Maybe he found me interesting. People usually did. And when they got to know me, it turned out I was just another regular guy, and they left. Looking like I was from another planet didn’t mean I was special.

I didn’t want Pete to leave.

Then again, it was totally crazy.

“So there’s something going on between you?” Frank looked at me, eyebrows high. Gee acted as if he weren’t interested, but I knew he was listening.

“No?” I offered with a smirk. “We’ve literally known each other for half a day, how could you possibly decide if you want to date somebody in some hours?”

“Believe me, you can.” Gerard noted, not looking up, but I saw he was smiling at his feet as he picked up some food wrapping from the floor.

“Well, just for the record, I’ll tell you, be careful with Pete.” Frank warned me. “He has… a very special way of treating people. He’s not a sadist or murdered or anything!” he added quickly, seeing my expression. “He is just… well, you’ll see with time.”

I didn’t respond to that, just swept a pile of Doritos outdoor. Why were they all so sure Pete was hitting on me? What if I didn’t want that? If I weren’t gay? Well, maybe I wasn’t, I still found some girls attractive. However, none of them was as attractive as Pete at the moment. But using the term “bisexual” on myself felt odd. Mikeyway, the bisexual king of unicorns. Nah, I should stick to _lesbian_.

The sound of a car horn interrupted the silence, and Frank, putting a bottle in the trash bag, placed it on the ground.

“That’s Ray.” was all he said, and went outdoors. We were left alone with Gerard. He poured the abandoned cups of alcohol in a bucket. It must have reeked terribly, and I didn’t have the stomach to approach it. Gee was about to say something, I could tell. Maybe about him and Frank. Maybe thank me for coming with him to the party.

“So you’re gay.” he stated, not even asked.

“I am not.”

“You _are_ gay for Pete, at least.”

“How would you know?”

“You are so damn obvious it hurts.” he said, rolling his eyes. Says the Lord of Obvious. Also, I didn’t get _what_ was obvious. That I went with him to the hospital? That I stayed the night just he wouldn’t freak out when waking up? That whenever I heard his name I had to smile?

“Could we just dump this topic already?” I asked, brushing some Dorito dust off of my jeans. “You and Frank must be a much more interesting story.”

“We’re seriously gossiping about boys?” he smirked.

“You started it.” I shrugged.

“What do you want to know?” Gerard asked, brushing his hair out of his eyes, putting his hands on his hips. The famous ‘Bitch Queen’ pose.

“You could start at the beginning.” I offered.

“We just… I was looking for him, but he found me first, so we went up to his room, talked about how it sucks to grow up. That it means we drift away from people who are important. And he said he didn’t want to waste any time lying to everybody and himself as well, so… he kissed me.”

“Awwww.” I squeaked, grinning widely.

“Shut it.” he snapped, but was smiling as well. “I guess you can figure out the rest of it.” he grinned.

“So he _was_ the one who picked you up in the end.” I shook my head. “That basically makes you the chic in the relationship.” I told him, knowing it was bullshit. He knew it as well, and threw a piece of wine-soaked popcorn at me.

The motor of a car roared outside, and Frank stepped in with a grumpy expression.

“What did Ray say?” Gee asked, concerned.

“That asshole Brendon wouldn’t bring his ‘fancy band’ around for the Halloween party.” he made the most frustrated and biggest air-quotes I’ve ever seen. “I should have known! That band is only after money, and somebody got more of that than I do.” He threw himself down on the couch, ignoring the fact that the room was far from clean. He tossed his legs over the armrest and threw his hands in the air. There we had Diva 2. “What the fuck am I going to do now, Gee?” he asked, as if I weren’t even there.

“Maybe Fall Out Boy could- oh wait, never mind.” Gerard shook his head, and Frank groaned in a ‘Don’t even remind me!’ manner. “Pete’s band.” my brother explained. “I don’t think they can make it without a bassist.”

As if a bell rang in the room, Frank and I shared a look, and I wished we hadn’t. I saw the glimpse of madness in his eyes, and I knew what he was about to say.

“No fucking way.”

“Yes, Fucking Way.”

“Frank, there’s no way to do it in two damned weeks. I’m not doing this.” I protested.

“Doing what?” Gee looked at us, frowning.

“Mikey could jump in.” Frank said, not taking his eyes off me. Like he was afraid I’d run away. I really wanted to, to be honest.

“I don’t even know the songs!” I whined. “And those guys play every day, Frank, I haven’t played for months now.”

“You can do it, Mikes, I’ve seen you do crazier things.” Gerard said thoughtfully. That was the first moment I cursed their relationship – it came pretty soon. Of course Gee agreed with him. He was so fucking whipped it wasn’t even funny.

“But-“

“Pleeeeeease, Mikey boy, I’d be grateful for a lifetime! It’s just some songs, like, ten? Up to ten! And I’ll pay for it! Don’t abandon me, Michael James Way, please!” Frank wallowed on the couch. He was so ridiculous.

I had a really bad feeling about all this. How was I supposed to learn ten fucking songs in two weeks? I didn’t even have time for myself in school time, let alone for a band. Frank was looking at me with puppy eyes, and Gee looked at him in a way that would have made a rainbow envious.

“I don’t promise anything, you hear that?” I warned Frank, who already had a huge grin on his face. “After one rehearsal they’ll tell me I’m shit and won’t want to work with me.”

“You are the best brothers in history!” Frankie was so happy he jumped up and gave Gerard a quick kiss. When he turned towards me, I was glad he only gave me a bear-hug.

It was about to turn awful sooooo soon.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anybody who comments gets a virtual cookie with extra chocolate chips


	3. There's too much green to feel blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before and after the first rehearsal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have a thing for Pete saying "Mikeyway"
> 
>  
> 
> but i guess we all have

“I fucking feel like I am actually going to throw up.” I told Gee, who just smirked at it.

"Stop whining like a baby and get in there." he said, and I was sure he tried to be encouraging, but it didn't succeed much.

It was Monday afternoon, after school and we were sitting in Gee's car, in front of the studio the band was renting. And I couldn't get out of the car. My guitar was laying on the backseats, everything was okay, except I just couldn’t get myself to go in that building.

Taking the bass out of its case after so much time felt strange, but also familiar. I loved to play, however, I wasn't that good in it. Maybe if I spent more time practicing I could have improved, but I had no band, so it felt pointless. Sometimes I wished I had stucked with the acoustic guitar. It was obviously more universal.

"What if I fuck this up?" I muttered. I told Frank it would end in misery and they would tell me I'm crap, but I wasn't ready to actually hear those words. "They surely will find somebody more talented and I'm just gonna make the biggest fool of my-"

"Mikey, shut up." Gerard interrupted. "Would you, for just a moment, stop thinking about all this bullshit, and get your ass out of my car?" he asked, rolling his eyes. I hated when he rolled his eyes.

“Oh, yeah, easy for you, you’re not the one who has to go in there to a bunch of dudes, who’ll tell you in half an hour to stop torturing the bass and go back to high-school where you belong.” I grimaced.

“You are being ridiculous.” he informed me. “They’re good guys, and you’re just as talented as they are. But I know you don’t listen to me, so you’ll have to get in there and see it for yourself.” Gee leaned over me and opened the door on my side, giving emphasis to his words.

“Why are you so hectic? It’s not like you have a date or any-“ but when he turned his gaze away quickly, my smirk became a grin. “Where are you two going today?”

“We’ll watch a movie. Now get out.” he murmured. I did as I was told, getting my bass out of the backseat.

“Just remember, don’t do anything I wouldn’t want you to do, honey!” I reminded him and shut the door. Gerard drove away with a grimace. God, this whole thing was so silly. I enjoyed every moment of it.

I watched as he drove along the road. When I was left completely alone, I was about to panic, but my phone chimed, and I took it out of my pocket to see Pete replied to my text.

Frank gave me his number, with a suggestive grin. I wanted to tell him it was just to tell him about the news, but I realized it would have been much more awkward. So I just took it and texted him.

_can we put off the visit? i need 2 jump in for a band. they r missing a bassist. mw_

**im more than happy 2 have u anyday. have a good time w/ fob but b careful w/ trick. i wont let him take my boy ;)) p**

He didn’t even ask how and why I had his number. And what was that with Patrick? And I slightly choked at the ‘my boy’ part as well. Let’s just say, it was a rather disturbing text. I didn’t even want to question it. I found it better to just leave him with it.

_see u 2morrow pete. mw_

His reply was almost immediate this time.

**cant wait ;) i bet u ll play wonderful ;)) p**

What's up with that dumb smiley? I shook my head. That's just how Pete was, I guessed.

However, his encouraging was more effective than Gee's. I sighed and pulled the guitar case on my back. I looked up at the building. It was huge and dirty, and the studio was on the top floor. I totally got it that an amateur band couldn't afford better, and it was alright. I must have been functioning, since they recorded their first two album there.

I have been listening to them since Sunday afternoon. They were really interesting. Totally different than everything I've ever heard, but it made it special. I could hear Pete's vocal in some of the songs, and it made my insides clench. Was it because I felt guilty he had to miss the concert or was it something more complicated? I wanted to believe it was just guilt.

His lyrics were amazing. And when I say it, I mean it. I don’t usually use such powerful words for something I’m not sure about, because I’ve learned that it could lead to rather uncomfortable situations. However, in this case I could say it totally honestly. Patrick wrote the music to the lyrics, and the two were in total sync.

I literally spent most of the night listening to ‘ _Take This To Your Grave_ ’ and ‘ _From Under The Cork Tree_ ’, and it made me feel like I wanted to do this. Make a band and record songs and have concerts. And maybe some fans as well. No, not the type who stalk on me and sneak into my flat, but the type who understand what I want to say with my music. As cheesy as it is, Fall Out Boy’s lyrics seemed to understand my feelings perfectly, and I felt somehow they knew exactly what I was going through.

Equals: _Pete_ did.

It was disturbing to think about it that way. So I tried to avoid it. They were just another band anyway.

A band that needed a bassist. Who, actually, happened to be me.

I sighed and entered the building.

 

“So how was the rehearsal?” Pete asked as soon as I stepped in the hospital room the next day. He was sitting, his back to the headboard of the bed. He was wearing a grey shirt and a huge smile on his face. His eyes were shining, and suddenly I couldn’t feel tired of the shitty school day I had.

“Hello to you, too.” I grinned. I sat down on the end of his bed and put my bag on the floor.

“Sorry.” he chuckled. “Just, Mikeyway and my band… my two favourite things in one place.” he explained, grinning with all teeth, and my stomach may or may not have done a flip at that statement. “You can’t blame me for being excited.”

“I’d love argue, but I really can’t.” I shook my head. “It was great.”

“Oh, c’mon, tell me more!” he nagged.

“There’s not too much to say, actually.” I shrugged. “I went there, we played some songs and they told me I was awesome. Which was totally accurate.”

“Frankie told me you were about to shit your pants before going in.” he told me. Oh, fuck Gerard, he just can’t keep his damn mouth shut.

“Well, that was for the show. I didn’t want them to think I’m an egoist jerk or anything.”

“Which you might be.” he added, nodding.

“Oh, shut up.” I rolled my eyes, but smiled.

The rehearsal was fine. Patrick was helpful, Andy was kind in his quiet way and Joe always tried to make jokes about the other two so I wouldn’t feel uncomfortable. After three songs they told me they’d be happy to have me on Pete’s place until he recovered.

Playing in the band was as great as I anticipated it to be. Well, I actually used to play in a small band, but that was years ago, lasted only some months, and… okay, we were crappy. This was much better. We were on the same wavelength, it felt like I was a proper member of the band.

“I knew you’d like them, though.” Pete smiled at me.

He looked so much better. He was relaxed, he’d obviously slept enough and the scars on his face and neck were already pink. He also smelled nice, it reminded me of the small kiss on the cheek.

“I see you have your things in here.” I said, nodding towards the sports bag in the corner of the room. It was messy, all kinds of clothes hanging out of it.

“Yeah, my brother Andrew brought some clothes, and even sneaked in some food for me.” he grinned. “The crap they feed me here… It’s awful, believe me, you don’t want to stay in hospital.”

“Oh, speaking of.” I grabbed my bag, and opened it. There was a small box of cinnamon rolls in it. I took it out, and put it in his plastered hand. “My mom baked it. I took it to school, so it was with me all day so it may not be fresh, but, you know. Uh.” I scratched the back of my neck awkwardly.

“You realize in this moment I feel the burning urge to kiss you, right?” he mumbled, eyeing the box as if it were made of gold.

“If ‘in this moment’ means ‘since I met you’.” I grimaced. I knew it wasn’t a serious attempt for anything. He must have been used to kissing strangers. Well, I wasn’t sure if we were strangers now.

“Fair enough.” he shrugged, and opened the box with his unharmed right hand. “Oh my, it smells like heaven.” he hummed, closing his eyes.

“Dude, they’re just cinnamon rolls.” I chuckled.

“No, you didn’t eat them, and gave them to me.” He was smiling at me as if I were best thing that ever happened him. “Thank you.”

“I- whatever.” I grinned at him. Growing up with a big brother made it obvious for me to share what I had. Well, of course I wouldn’t have had the box of delicious goodies with me all day and save them for Gee. He had his own. It wasn’t something I’d have done for a lot of people. I did it for Pete, however. Then again; strange.

“Would you like some?” he asked. He already had one in his hand, but he didn’t bite in it.

“Nah, I’m good.” I shook my head, because it was a gift and I wanted him to eat them. He took a bite and it was better to watch the euphoria on his face as he ate. He was like a happy little boy, who hadn’t eaten anything this good in his whole life.

“Your mom is a fucking fairy. You’d better tell her that.” he spoke with his mouth full of food, and I grimaced. He got it, and swallowed before going on. “So Stumpy tried to enchant you?”

“Nope.” I shook my head. “Well, he gave me his fedora for one song, because he told me it didn’t suit him for that one. That’s all.” I shrugged, because I really didn’t understand his concerns. Patrick didn’t seem to be gay.

“Oh, yeah, that’s how it begins.” Pete laughed. “Next time he does something like that, tell him I’ll skin him.”

“Why do you care who hits on me anyway?” I grinned. It was still something that didn’t seem right to say. Since I’ve only dated girls before – two, actually. I know. I’m lame –, it was _my_ duty to court. Gender roles and all that. “You do it all the time, after all. Why shouldn’t anyone else do it?” I really didn’t think that was what Trick did, but Pete seemed to be sure about it.

“I mean, they can, but-“ he didn’t finish it, he just took another bite of the pastry. I was pretty sure he got rattled and I almost laughed out loud. Was it possible he was jealous? Really? He had no reason to be, though, because a) we weren’t anywhere near a relationship and b) it’s not like Patrick gave me a blowjob or anything.

“You’re awful.” I informed him.

“That’s my best quality.” he winked. He didn’t really swallow all of the first cinnamon bun, but he went on with the next already.

“You know, we’re lucky we are at the hospital because at that pace you’ll surely choke.”

“Please.” he rolled his eyes, pretending he was annoyed. “Believe me I had some fairly bigger things in my mouth.”

“I don’t even know why I came here.” I told him, shaking my head.

We were silent for a minute. He was eating, humming as he did, and I tried not to be obvious about wanting to wipe the crumbs off his lips. He didn’t seem to realize I was watching him. He licked his lip, and I would have never admitted I followed it all the way with my eyes. His fingers were slick with sugar glaze, and he simply licked it off of them. I found it better to look at my knees at that point. My gaze wandered over my bag and I groaned.

“What _was_ that sound?” Pete chuckled, his mouth, again, full with food. He somehow still managed to smile.

“I have a shitload of English, and I have no idea when I’ll do it.” I told him, already thinking about an excuse for my teacher. Pete was silent for a moment – probably just chewing and swallowing – but then said:

“You know, you can leave… if you want to.” he offered, but his voice suggested he didn’t want me to go. “I’m not gonna have you here because you feel like it was your fault.”

“It’s not about my raging remorse.” I reassured him.

“So what, you just simply enjoy my company?” he was grinning again.

“I don’t have the right answer for that.” I laughed. Both were true, actually. I still felt guilty, but it only wouldn’t have made me go in the hospital more than necessary.

“I could help, you know.” he added after a moment, nodding towards my bag.

“You could?” I frowned, because I really didn’t came here to make him explain English to me.

“A date is about having fun, and you can’t have fun if you’re anxious about homework, right?” he was obviously waiting for me to deny it was a date, but I chose just to go with it.

“Alright, so what do you know about The Masque of the Red Death?” I asked, and he knew I got the message. His smile widened.

“Edgar Allan Poe, 1842. Do you have it with you?” he asked, and I took the book out of my bag.

I rather enjoyed English, but I had an awful teacher. We didn’t ask him any questions, because he mercilessly kept on shaming the ones who tried to. It, of course, resulted that half of the class was about to fail, and yes, I was in that half, too.

Poe was an interesting topic. I liked how his dark and depressing metaphors made the whole story, and just his writing in general much more philosophical than they seemed to be at first sight. I was good at understanding metaphors, but didn’t get it why teachers must force totally inappropriate meanings in each and every word.

Pete read through the whole story first, and I watched him do so. His facial expression changed with every sentence he read just the slightest bit, and I found it fascinating. How his brows arched, how he pursed his lips and wrinkled his nose. I shouldn’t have watched him, but I couldn’t stop myself.

When he was ready, he looked up at me, and caught me staring. He didn’t mention it, however, just started to explain. He started from the very beginning, the historical background, and went on with the metaphorical meaning of the prince’s name, the rooms, the clock and the death in the end. He spoke in such an enthusiastic way I was smiling all along. He explained everything I asked about, and seemed to know Poe’s biography too well.

“Yeah, because most of his family died in some kind of disease, it was more common those days than an 80-year-old man.” Pete shrugged, eyeing the story on his lap. “His wife only lived for some years after he wrote this, so death was all around him, pretty much always. I guess he had all the reasons to be obsessed with it.” he looked up at me, and for some moments we were staring at each other. “What?” he asked, smiling.

“How can you possibly know so much about him?” I asked, just blinking at him.

“I like his works.” he answered. “Also, I had a phase when I used to be… too enthusiastic on the subject.” he looked down, examining his plastered arm, his smile slowly fading away. I wanted to ask, but knew we were not on that level of friendship yet. I didn’t want him to think I was pushing him about it. I just hoped he was now okay.

“Well, now I owe you so much.” I said instead, offering a smile. He didn’t look up, just handed me my book. He seemed to be lost in his thoughts, seemed to have an argument in his head, and I couldn’t do anything but wait patiently for him to finish. I had no idea what it was about, but in the end he looked up, and smiled back at me.

“Handing me a pack of ice from there’d be more than enough pay-off.” he nodded towards the corner next to the door.

I stood up and opened the small, white fridge, taking out the cold plastic bag. I gave it to him, sitting back on the bed. He just casually took off his shirt – and I obviously didn’t look at all his tattoos with a marvelling expression – and pressed the ice pack against his ribs. He hissed a little bit. His chest was not bandaged, which was kind of surprising for me. His left hand was clumsy; he couldn’t reach where he wanted to press the ice, on his right side, almost under his shoulder-blade.

“Fuck.” he cursed, and I already stood up. I walked over to his right side, reaching out for the ice pack.

“Let me help you.” I asked, taking it out of his hand. And he let me, without question.

“Here?” I asked, experimenting. I placed my other hand on his bicep, not wanting to think about how muscular he was. His skin was totally covered with tattoos, and as a friend of Frank I shouldn’t have been staring, but I still was.

“A bit to the left.” he navigated, and when I moved, he moaned. “Right there.” and it would have shamed a fucking porno. My fingers were barely touching his arm, still I felt him shiver under the ice. Now that he was shirtless, he smelled more intensely of cologne, and I unconsciously licked my lips. It was so damn strange it wasn’t even funny.

“How long do I have to hold it here?” I asked, and I didn’t want to sound rude, but still felt like I did.

“Just some minutes.” he reassured me. “To reduce the swelling, I guess.”

“It hurts?” I asked, swallowing.

“Not that much.” he shrugged a bit. “It’s more like annoying. You know that I can’t get out of bed for a week, I can’t do the rehearsals, hell I even miss that idiot sociology teacher.” he chuckled. “Well, at least I have time to write lyrics now.”

“What’re you writing about?”

He reached towards his small nightstand, and took a black notebook from it. He flipped it open on his lap, and I saw hand-written verses in it. They were scratched rather ugly and unorganised, and I couldn’t read it. He didn’t even expect me to, he just read them out loud.

“ _When I'm home alone I just dance by myself/and you pull my head so close volume goes with the truth/Signing off "I'm alright in bed but I'm better with a pen"/the kid was alright but it went to his head._ ” he was not singing it, obviously, but there was something in the way he spoke the words. It was strangely melodic for just speaking. “ _I am God's gift but why would he bless me with/such wit without a conscience equipped/I'm addicted to the way I feel when I think of you/There's too much green to feel blue._ ”

The words quite left me speechless. Was this one going to be like the songs by them I listened to? The ones we would play on Frank’s party? It felt like being the part of something so exciting, something special and I didn’t know why. I mean, it’s not like it was the first time I experienced something like this. Gee used to write songs. Most of them were about how it sucks to be a teenager, and the others… well, those were about Frank. It just wasn’t the same. It felt much more personal, and personal _for me_. Why was I even feeling that way? It obviously had nothing to do with me.

“What do you think?” Pete looked up at me, gazing my eyes. He wasn’t even trying to hide his curiosity over my response.

“I… wow.” was my answer.

“Thanks.” he laughed at my advanced vocabulary skills.

“It’s a good kind of ‘wow’!” I told him quickly. “It’s just… there’s something… more to it than just the actual words.” this was the best way I could word it.

“Yeah, well, I don’t really have the muse who I can write about.” he smirked. “You can take it away now, I think.” he pulled away from the ice pack. I totally forgot I was keeping it there. I put it back in the fridge, and stepped back to him, but didn’t sit.

“I should go.” I told him, pushing my glasses up on my nose. I really didn’t want to, but my sense of responsibility won, and I took my bag on my shoulder.

“Promise you’ll come again sometime this week.” he smiled at me, and I couldn’t say I wouldn’t. Also, I did want to come again.

“Maybe on Thursday. Or Friday.” I said. “I know you’ll text me anyway, so we’ll agree on it.”

“You know me already.” he chuckled, pushing his bangs out of his eyes. “Kiss me goodbye?”

I didn’t even respond this time, just went for it. Now it was more proper, it felt like a real kiss, just on the cheek. Pulling away I saw him grinning widely, and there was something in kissing goodbye to a half-naked Pete Wentz. I found I must have enjoyed it just as much as he did.

“Take care, Mikeyway.” he smiled.

“You too, Pete.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a comment would make my day


	4. Glasses, cute hair, lean figure. You must be the one I’m looking for.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Of ~~jealous~~ _uncomfortable_ Mikey.

Pete and I were texting each other so much I was sure I wouldn’t be able to pay my bill. I mean, it was his fault, obviously. What was he thinking when he texted me in the middle of the night, asking if I considered broccolis to be miniature trees or if Alan Ritchson was really a ninja pretending to be an actor playing a ninja turtle? I didn’t know why I kept answering him, I just did.

Friday afternoon I told Pete I had too many maths problems, so I couldn’t visit him. He said it was okay, and that my education was really important, so he’d let me do my homework. Which, by him, clearly meant he would harass me with his texts. He didn’t care it was 9 pm already and I didn’t do any of the maths.

That’s how we got ourselves into a very deep conversation about The Eagle’s Hotel California, while I was leaning over my textbook.

**but why cant it just be a song? why must it mean materialism & heartless ppl?**

_because its about california. everything is evil there_

**well daisy marie doesnt look evil**

_should i ask who she is?_

**probably not**

“Hey, baby bro.” Gerard called. He peered in my room, and I didn’t even look up, just nodded. I haven’t seen him the whole afternoon, he came out of the basement because it was only the two of us in the house at the moment. “You look very interested in that textbook.”

“Maths is, in fact, very fascinating.” I informed him in a monotone tone.

“Oh, I bet Pete’s much more ‘fascinating’ to you. Oh, speaking of, how come you two aren’t dating in the hospital today? The last time was, what, 3 days ago?” I was sure he knew I was texting.

“So what?” I looked up at him, frowning. “It’s not like we’re attached at the hip. And we’re not dating, I told you already.”

“Whatever you say, Mikeyyy.”

I wanted to tell him to fuck off, but he was already gone.

I didn’t want Gee or anybody else to think we were dating. I mean, seriously, he was flirty and all but I was more than certain that he was like that with everybody else, too. He maybe saw the challenge in me, because he decided to stick to me even though I told him there was no future to us. It would change nothing though. I wasn’t even sure I was attracted to guys. I hoped I was because thinking Pete was the only boy who got me that way was concerning.

_i should go & practice. rehearsal 2morrow_

**i have some lyrics 2 finish as well. nighty night sugar ;)**

_goodnight pete_

I put the phone down and took the bass out of its case. It was rather heavy at first and the cord of the amplifier were all tangled up, so it took me some time to untangle them. Eventually I plucked it in, and picked on the strings to get the right volume.

Mom was still in the office, Gee was either back in the basement or… well, in the basement. He only came out of there for coffee and food. That was the other reason I was glad he and Frank finally made it. Without him Gerard would have never gotten out of there. That place was horrible. Even for me, and I can tell I was not the tidiest kid, not in the slightest. The basement was full of Gee’s rubbish and leftover food and comics and cigarette smoke. And the fact that Frank spent time there despite being a gigantic cleaning maniac was so unbelievable. I knew Gerard was really important to him. And vice versa, because since my brother decided he wouldn’t deny his obvious crush for Frankie anymore, he actually washed his hair more than once a month and tried to keep his basement relatively clean. Well, the latter failed every time, but he kept on trying and that was something.

The point is, that everything was perfect for practicing. I searched my iPod for the music, plugged my headphones in and started playing. I wasn’t halfway into the song when my fingers started to hurt. I wasn’t used to playing so much, and practicing every day for the past week seemed to affect my hands. I just hoped another week won’t make it worse, because that would have really made it hard for me to be good on Frankie’s party.

I wasn’t bad, actually. I knew on the first few rehearsals when they said I wasn’t awful it was to make me feel better, but on the last one I actually felt like I was worth something. We agreed on nine songs, we tried to choose some of the easiest ones for me. I’d have loved to play some more complicated ones, but time was running out and I still had some problems with four of the songs. However, in altogether I was satisfied with myself. Trick and the band was, too, so everything seemed to be fine.

And with a loud bang, my D string ripped. With a surprised cry I quickly snapped my hand away from it, so I didn’t get hurt. I plugged it out of the amplifier which was screaming deafeningly, and laid the bass down on my bed.

“Fucking hell!” I groaned and kicked in the bed. I paused the iPod and pushed the headphones down on my neck. That was the last thing I needed. I’ve only played like the half of the songs and I planned on practicing for the rest of the evening, but it wasn’t going to happen now. I didn’t even check my drawers, fully aware that there was no way in hell I had spare strings. I cursed myself for being an idiot.

“Gee!” I shouted but knew he wasn’t going to hear me, so I went down the stairs, into the basement. It looked just as sick as it did every day, but at least he was not smoking at the moment. He was drinking coffee from a damn huge mug, and watching a zombie movie. It was an old one, I didn’t care enough right then to find out which one.

“What happened?” he looked at me with a frown. “That sounded bad.”

“Oh, it sounded so bad you could hear it even down here but wouldn’t come up and see if I was alright?” I grimaced. I knew I was being unfair, but I was frustrated. “I broke a string and don’t have a spare so do you know anybody who’s willing to give me one at…” I took a quick glance at my phone. “9:37 pm Friday? Because I doubt any shop is open now.”

“Relax, Mikes.” Gee stopped the movie, and got up from the couch with a sigh. He walked to a pile of what seemed to be dirty and smelly clothes in the faint light of the TV, and after a moment of searching pulled out his phone. I rolled my eyes, because I knew who he was about to call.

“Hey Dallon,” he greeted the boy on the other end of the line. I didn’t know who that was, but I was surprised he didn’t call his boyfriend right away. “It’s Gerard. Yeah, Frank’s Gerard.” he mumbled blushing a bit and I grinned. “So I know you and him are not on speaking terms at the moment, but I was wondering if you could help me- yeah, I know your band is… alright, I get it- you know, it’s none of your damn business...! You’re such an asshole. Weekes, don’t you dare hang- shit!” Gee pulled the phone away from his ear and gave it an angry glare.

“Well, aren’t you a charming little being.” I smirked.

“Shut up okay?” he groaned. “That band really is a bunch of dicks.”

“I guess that was Panic’s bass player then.” I added, and he just nodded. With a huff he threw the phone back on the pile of laundry. “I know you’re not socializing that much but really? He was your only guess?” I asked with a frown. I wouldn’t have guessed that anybody from that band would do us a favour because I suspected Ray sent them to hell one by one when they called off the concert. The guy was rather creepy when furious.

“Well, I know another pizza- and eyeliner-addicted bassist, but he’s not likely to have any strings with him at the moment.” Gerard folded his arms on his chest, voice dripping with cynicism. I thought about it. That’s not like Pete needed his strings at the moment, right?

“But Frank’s his bestie or what, isn’t he? Can’t we ask him to grab them from his place?”

“Uh, Frankie is not home. He went out with Ray.”

“And why didn’t you go with them?” I raised one eyebrow. It was strange, I would have bet on it that as soon as they were official they would be inseparable. Not as if I’ve seen Gee out of the house with anybody but Frank in the past years.

“They didn’t- I mean I didn’t feel like it.” he shrugged, turning away. “I prefer Resident Evil to annoying drunken teenagers.”

“But isn’t drunken Frank worth it?” I asked, grinning suggestively.

“You’re annoying.” he rolled his eyes. I took a look at my phone, and decided to text Pete.

“I mean, there must be somebody who can give me a fucking D string, right?” I mumbled as I wrote the message. Gee didn’t answer just threw himself down on the couch and continued the movie.

_a string on my bass ripped, can u lend me?_

I leaned against the couch. Resident Evil. I wasn’t sure why Gerard wouldn’t have gone with Frank and Ray. Maybe they didn’t invite him? I mean, Frank was head over heels for him, I was sure, and Ray was his friend for a million years now. It was strange, but I chose not to push the subject. He decided this way and it was alright.

**ur fingers gave it hell i imagine ;)) i dont have spare, u ok with playing my bass?**

_sure. and i’ll take care of it. thanks :)_

That was the first time I sent him a smiley, and I found I was smiling, too. Well, until I didn’t stop myself from it. The situation was about to creep me out. I wasn’t the smiley type of a boy. I forced a poker face and added:

_should i take it from ur house or…?_

He answered in fifteen seconds.

**i like it when u smile;) dont worry, i ll get hillary 2 bring it over. address?**

I texted him our address. I was almost sure he only wanted to get to know where I lived, and wanted to get it from _me_. He could have asked Frank or anything but he wanted to know I was okay with it. It made me a bit happy. Only the slightest bit.

However, I had no idea who Hillary was. She must have been a friend. Right? But how would a friend have access to Pete’s house? A very close friend, then. Maybe flatmate. _Like girlfriend, dumbass_ – a voice said in my head, and that was it. I couldn’t erase the idea of him having a girlfriend from my mind.

Well, that was okay, he told me he was bi, it was more than okay, it was fine. Girlfriend, he had a girlfriend, who cares? It was perfectly okay.

Still, I couldn’t get myself to feel like it was nothing. I had no right to feel uncomfortable by the fact he might had somebody, because we barely knew each other, and I was only a guy who replaced him temporarily in his band and gave him cinnamon buns and texted him every day. And night.

I knew I shouldn’t have felt jealous – _uncomfortable_ , I reminded myself, jealous was a far too strong word – because we weren’t a thing. We weren’t going to be a thing. And despite all this, the word ‘girlfriend’ still tasted like poison on my tongue.

“Hey, kid, is everything alright?” I heard Gee’s voice and it brought me back to reality. I blinked at him, and he looked like he was watching me for a while now. His face showed concern.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t it be?” I frowned, and tried to return to my usual bored tone, which was not easy.

“For a moment you stared at that phone like, I don’t know, like it was your favourite squirrel, dying in your hands.” he shrugged, but I knew he was worried.

“It’s nothing. Pete says he’ll lend me his bass, tomorrow a chic called Hillary will bring it over.” I was waiting for him to say ‘Yeah, I know her, she’s the head of Team Lesbian on campus.’ or something like that.

“I don’t know her. Is she maybe Pete’s…?” he just raised a brow, knowing I would understand.

“I don’t know, neither do I care.” I shrugged and turned around, leaving Gee alone. He didn’t call after me or asked for an explanation, but I knew I didn’t fool him. He was familiar with every little gesture I made, so I was sure he knew that I, in fact, _did_ care.

I went back to my room and put my bass away. I plugged out the amplifier and sat down on my bed, looking at my phone but not actually seeing it. Hillary. What a crappy name. She must be a bitch. A bitch with an awful name. A small part of me felt bad for thinking like this about her before even meeting her, but I couldn’t help it. Pete couldn’t have a girlfriend, right? I would have met her in the hospital at least once. I should have. But what if she was there always when I wasn’t? It was a possibility. Maybe she and Pete were laughing at me behind my back together.

Did they have a reason? Yes. I was being an idiot for thinking Pete was only flirting with me.

Although I had no intention to think about her more that night, I knew I couldn’t do that. I had no bass but I had their songs on my iPod, so I turned it on and played all the songs we were going to perform. I had one week left and no time to waste.

I laid down on my bed and put my hands under my neck. I tried to concentrate on the bass. I closed my eyes and imagined the riffs I would play there, and it would have succeeded if I didn’t have the picture of Pete playing the songs to a chic – who in my head had no face, but I was sure she was pretty – and singing his lyrics.

_You were the last good thing about this part of town…_

_I’d never say no to you…_

_Trying to forget everything that isn’t you…_

_You’re just a girl all the boys wanna dance with…_

_You’re the only place that feels like home…_

I couldn’t listen to them. I knew I was being ridiculous but the lyrics made me extremely uncomfortable. It felt like I was listening to something I shouldn’t, like the songs were meant to be heard only by the girl they were addressed to. Well, of course all the love songs were meant for somebody, but this was something else. I couldn’t form coherent sentences about it, so I just stopped.

I paused the music and put the iPod with the headphones on the nightstand. I stood up and took off my pullover and jeans, laying down in boxers and my Morrissey shirt. I turned towards the wall and decided to sleep.

Of course it didn’t work out that easily. I closed my eyes and saw various things. First Pete as he fell, but I was sure the memory totally deformed, because I replayed it in my head so many times. I got used to it. I accepted it wasn’t my fault, because I never meant to hurt him. I also saw Gee and Frank standing hand by hand in the hospital room, and they were ridiculously happy. The next picture was Patrick grinning at me while singing, Joe headbanging with his majestic afro and Andy going crazy behind the drums. I was very anxious about the concert but waited for it so much.

The last image I saw before drifting off to sleep was a certain black haired, handsome guy kissing a petite curvy blonde.

 

When the doorbell rang the next morning, I have already phrased in myself why I felt uncomfortable. Because when a friend of yours has a partner, they are less likely to spend time with you. As friends. Yeah, it was total bullshit but it comforted me. Well, Pete and I were not really friends, because we’d known each other for a week, but it was close. I knew I shouldn’t have thought about it all morning, because my coffee didn’t need to be any bitterer, but I had to make it clear for myself.

Gee wouldn’t open the door, because he was a lazy bastard and also because he knew it was my thing to do. He didn’t bring it up when we met in the kitchen. He just grabbed another mug of coffee, and asked about the rehearsal in the afternoon. I hoped Pete’s bass would fit me, because seriously, the last thing I needed was to be uncomfortable even with the guitar.

I made my way to the door, and with a sigh, I straightened myself up. I didn’t want that girl to tell Pete I looked like shit when we met. Opening the door, I swallowed and readied myself for the talk.

A small brunette was standing out there. Her hair was in a loose ponytail, and she was wearing black skinny jeans and Misfits shirt. She could be about the same age as me. Her pale skin was covered with tattoos, she had more than Pete did, which was amusing, to be honest. She was smiling at me, and I had to admit she was pretty. Not in an ‘all-the-magazines-say-this-is-pretty-so-it-is’ way, more like the ‘look-at-her-she-has-style’ pretty. I could see why anybody would like to be around her.

“Hello, I’m Hillary.” her smile reminded me of Pete, but then again, it would have been hard not to think about Pete when looking at her, considering he was all I thought about that morning. “Glasses, cute hair, lean figure. You must be the one I’m looking for.” she grinned.

“Hey.” I forced a small smile, offering her a hand. “It’s Mikey.”

She shook it and looked me up and down. “Yeah, Petey must have been right about most things.” she commented, but it seemed as if it was just a note for herself, so I didn’t mention it. “So, here you are.” she took the guitar case off his back, and handed it to me. “I would say take care of it, but I’m sure P wouldn’t lend you it unless he knows you’re worth it.”

“Oh, um. Thanks.” I tried, because she really seemed to be nice. She was smiling at me knowingly, and it was kind of strange. She wasn’t bothered by the fact that she was obviously staring at me. She seemed to have no shame. Rings a bell?

“You are really cute.” She pointed out at once, and I was sure I blushed to the tip of my ears. I looked away, but didn’t know what to say. “Even blushing, oh my god, Pete was so right.”

“About what?” I asked in a funny voice, looking down at the case between my hands. She wasn’t taller than 5.4 but had a certain atmosphere around her. She had you under your spell without you noticing it.

“I don’t think he’s able to shut up about you.” she replied simply, and I stopped breathing for a moment. Her voice wasn’t annoyed or anything, just stating and a bit dreamy. I was sure if my boyfriend talked about another person all the time, this wouldn’t have been my reaction to it. I would have been angry and jealous, but Hillary was friendly to me.

“Does it bother you?” I asked, and didn’t even know myself what I wanted to her. I obviously didn’t want it to bother her, but I did want to bother her. I wanted to make her think about me and Pete the way I thought about them the night prior.

“Nope, I mean he’s always annoying but hey, you have a brother, too, so you know how these things are.” she shrugged and grinned at me as if we shared a secret.

I almost fell over my dropped jaw. Hillary was… Pete’s sister? I mean, he’d talked about his brother but never mentioned he had a sister as well. Now, looking at her, I could totally see the similarities. Their eyebrows, lips and even their cheekbones looked alike. And that grin… so that was the reason she reminded me of him. I felt the urge to grab her off of her feet and hug her tightly but decided it would have been a bit creepy. The thought alone made me feel like an idiot.

“Thank God.” I sighed, but added quickly. “I mean, thank you.” and my smile was honest this time.

“Anytime, Mikey. Oh, and by the way.” she pulled a piece of paper out of her pocket. “Pete’ll leave the hospital on Sunday. He’d love it if you visited him.” she handed me his address. “But don’t tell him it was my idea.” she winked at me. She turned around and walked back to her car. I just watched as she got in, and drove away, waving happily. I found myself waving back shyly.

This was all insane. Just twenty minutes prior I was thinking about pushing the girl down the stairs, and now I was grinning like an idiot at the address on the torn paper in my hands. It wasn’t even far from where we lived. Maybe I would say I needed to be at a rehearsal on Sunday as well, and surprise him as he got home. Yeah, sounded like a plan.

Bringing the bass in the house, I found Gee standing in the living room, watching me.

“Oh my, it’s only half past eleven and you’re already out of your residence for the second time today. Do you feel alright?” I joked, because he looked like he was curious and I hoped my sarcastic comment would stop him from asking. It obviously didn’t.

“So she wasn’t his girlfriend.” Gerard noted.

“And what makes you think that, brother dear?”

“Because if she was, you would have found a way to kill her with your gaze and make the body disappear into thin air so nobody would find it.”

“You think too much of me, darling.” I pretended to blush and covered my face with my hands. He just rolled his eyes, and turned around to get back to the basement. I saw him smiling, though.

“You are such a jealous princess.” he said, walking down the stairs, but it was clear enough for me to hear.

“Shut up, Mrs. Iero.” I called after him and chuckled. I looked at my watch. I still had some hours to practice before going to the rehearsal.

I liked those songs again now that I knew they weren’t about that so-called Hillary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know this chap took me forever but i hope it was worth the wait :33


	5. Pansy's boyfriend's little brother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At Pete's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it came so early i don't even know how and why
> 
> let's just enjoy it shall we?

Sunday came as if it were a rheumatic sloth. After the rehearsal there was nothing significant for me that I could wait for, so my mind kept on returning to the small slip of paper I put in my drawer. I’ve memorized the address already, so could have thrown it away, but I kept it. No reason why.

**im dying 2 get my bathroom back…**

_i imagine. what time do u get home?_

I was texting with Pete all day, as usual. I didn’t say anything about my freak-out in connection with Hillary, just thanked him for the bass and told him the rehearsal was fine. The guitar fitted me nicely, and I knew its strings were almost new so they wouldn’t rip. The songs started to sound like the ones on my iPod, and I enjoyed every moment of practicing.

**at about 5 but don’t even think bout texting me before 7 mikeyway i ll be enjoying warm water that doesnt smell like old ladies dissolved in that sh#t**

_very descriptive aren’t we_

**u r laughing now but im totally serious. i bet it came from hell**

_whatever u say. just text when u feel like it_

**i will just be patient ;)) xoxo**

I tossed my phone down on my bed and walked to the closet. It was half past four, so I had more than enough time to get ready… well, I didn’t really know why I wanted to ‘get ready’. Because ‘getting ready’ is not just putting on some clean clothes, but it means you actually choose those clothes. Choose them thoughtfully because you want to impress. When you ‘get ready’ there must be _somebody_ you’re doing it for. And I, obviously, didn’t consider the visit to Pete such an important event.

I eventually chose a black and white striped pullover and grey skinny jeans with white chucks. I dressed up as slowly as I could, combed my hair and cleaned my glasses, and sat down on my bed again. It was still only 5:04. I groaned and I decided to take Pete’s bass in my hand and started practicing the riff of Dance Dance.

Why was I being so impatient? It was not like we haven’t met for a year or so. It was three days, and it already felt too much. I frowned at this thought. After the Hillary-incident I started to think about this. Us. And even though I hated to admit it, saying ‘we were never going to be a thing’ gave me an ill sensation in my stomach.

So what if there _was_ something going on between Pete and me? If there actually was an ‘us’ in the future? I knew it was wishful thinking, but I secretly liked to play with the thought. I enjoyed his company, and he enjoyed mine, wasn’t that how these sort of things worked? I was as clumsy as a legless centipede when it came to relationships. There were only a couple of girls – yeah, you know, two is actually _a_ couple – who didn’t mind others looking at me as if I were their charity case when saw us together, and I couldn’t even give them a normal relationship.

My phone buzzed in what seemed like years, but I checked and it was only an hour actually.

**okay it seems like I cant stay away from you ;))**

I smiled at my phone and put the bass down. It was time to get going. Not like I had butterflies in my stomach or anything. That only happens in shitty pre-teen movies. I shouted downstairs for Gee so he would know I went out. I was sure he wasn’t really listening, because I met Frank on his way down there some hours before, and he didn’t come up since. I only replied to Pete’s text when stepped outdoors.

_so u got home_

**yeah in one piece, u worry 2 much 4 me**

_who said i was worrying?_

**i can read ur mind sugar**

_god i hope ur just kidding_

I knew where his house was, I actually walked every day in front of it to school. It was a quite small one but I got it he didn’t need a bigger one. And I was sure making music didn’t pay him so well that he could afford any bigger. It was nice, by the way. The grass was cut evenly and there was no litter on the front porch. I walked up to the front door and stood in front of it. My knees were totally not week, thanks for asking.

**no actually i know all ur secrets & dirty thoughts bout me ;))**

_well im pretty sure one thing u don’t know is who’s standing at ur door_

While waiting for his response I held my breath. I imagined his face, frowning at his phone and trying to guess if I was only fooling around. A minute passed and I still didn’t breathe. I just hoped he wouldn’t hate me for showing up this unexpected, and that was actually the first time I considered this option. I mean, he was always waiting for my visits at the hospital, and this was almost the same, right?

 I was watching my phone so when the door flung open I gasped in surprise. Pete was standing in front of me, in boxer shorts and a white shirt. A shit-eating grin appeared on his face when he saw it was me.

“Mikeyway!” he yelled gleefully like a hyper kid, and pulled me in a bone-crushing hug. It was actually bone-crushing, his long arm cast hard against my spine. I had no words. He totally didn’t give a shit that it was our first very close contact, but I found I didn’t care either. I hugged him back, which was not too comfortable considering the height difference, and didn’t even last long. It was nice, however. He was damp, I supposed he just got out of the shower when he texted me and didn’t really bother to dry himself up. He smelled of shampoo like he always did.

When he let me go, I was sure my face was flushed, but he didn’t mention it.

“Come on in, I’m fucking freezing!” he opened the door wider, and I stepped in.

In the house the temperature was much more pleasant than outside. The first thing I took in was the sound of music blasting from the speakers in the living room. The house had no stairs, and it seemed to lack the doors as well. I found it wasn’t that strange; why would he have needed doors if he was living alone? I was a bit jealous. I dreamed about living alone since I was 14. Maybe with Gerard. Oh, no, I didn’t thing that one through. If the two of us lived together, it would have ended in war for coffee and deciding who took the trash out.

“Ah, sorry.” Pete stepped to the stereo and turned the music off. When he faced me, his expression was the happiest I’ve ever seen him, and that’s saying a lot, because I practically only saw him grinning. His eyes were glowing and he just stared at me. I forgot he was so short, since I only really saw him lying. He seemingly really didn’t mind he was in boxers, and I tried not to laugh at the fact that they had two pink handprints on the butt part. His plastered arm was hanging by his side and he didn’t seem to have pain in his chest either. “So,” he finally spoke. “How come you know where I live and decided to casually drop in?”

“Well, uh, Hillary brought over the guitar yesterday and hinted it’s your house and that you’d come home today, and I thought it might be a good idea.” I shrugged. It really wasn’t anything special. Anybody would do this for a friend. Or whatever Pete was.

“I feel the love.” he chuckled, watching me with a lopsided smile. “Well, I’d love to ask you if I could get you something, but my fridge is totally empty, you know, being away for a week and being a college student just in general. Oh, and I have beer.”

“I didn’t come here for you to feed me you know.” I snorted.

“Why did you come then?” he asked and raised a brow curiously.

“I don’t really know.” I replied and found it was true. Not like I was expecting anything from the evening. “Just thought you’d miss my pretty face.”

“Oh, I did.” he laughed and grabbed his phone from the couch. “I heard you liked horror movies. How do you feel about veggie pizza?”

And that’s how I ended up on Pete’s bed, leaning against the headboard, watching as a bunch of kids freaked out over some phone calls. Black Christmas was not the best horror movie I’ve ever watched, but the company surely made up to it. There was a pizza box between us, but it didn’t stop Pete form getting closer to me. Seriously, I started to think he wasn’t even jumping from time to time because he was freaked out but to have the excuse to slip closer to me. We started out on the opposite sides of the bed, but when we were halfway into the movie the box was already on the floor and Pete just inches away.

“This is so ridiculous.” I stated in a bored tone just to tease him. “This movie is not believable at all.”

“Uh, yeah, I mean, that’s the lamest fake blood I’ve ever seen.” he reassured me, and I had to grin when a woman shrieked and Pete shuddered.

He took out two beers for us from the fridge and another two when we finished those. Pete had already downed the second one and I wasn’t sure he was totally sober. He leaned over me, reaching for my bottle and trying to take it. I didn’t say a thing, just put it out of his reach, a bit farther. He whined – fucking _whined_ – and tried to climb over me which resulted in him laying on my lap. He either didn’t feel uncomfortable or just decided he would tease me, and swung his ass in the air in front of me.

“Hey, you can’t have more, you’re not getting drunk under my watch again.” I told him a bit hoarsely. I fixed my eyes on the TV but I knew he knew what I was really watching. He eventually sat back next to me, but couldn’t miss the opportunity to complain.

“I’m not drunk, pretty boy, you should know I’m not like this when I’m drunk.” he grinned at me. I realised he was much closer to me than before, but I didn’t mention it. Not like I minded or anything.

“Yeah, but you only got out of hospital, and I really hope you don’t have a balcony.” I stated emotionlessly. I was still looking at the screen but stole small glances at him. He was shamelessly staring. “Why are we even watching this if you don’t pay attention?”

“How am I supposed to pay attention to anything else when you’re here?” he wiggled his eyebrows at me, and I rolled my eyes. I got up and turned the TV off. I decided if he was to watch me, then I wanted him to do so under my permission.

“So I know some Fall Out Boy songs, interested?” I smiled at him. I knew he had another bass which he rarely used, but it was functioning so I guessed I could brag with what I’ve learned. I didn’t practice for nothing, right?

Pete’s eyes lit up as if I’ve told him I’d take him to Disneyland. He jumped up off the bed and practically danced to his closet. He opened it, and took a guitar case out of it. He was used to the plaster by then, I watched as he used his right perfectly without his left. The case fell on the bed with a thump and Pete stood next to me, eyeing me expectantly.

I sat down and opened the case. There was a black-purple bass guitar in it, and I felt like developing a small crush for it the moment I saw it. I took it out carefully and laid it on my lap. Pete was already next to me, offering the cord plugged in the amplifier. I tuned up the guitar and started to play. He was watching me with sparkling eyes, which was damn adorable. I didn’t even care which song I was playing, I just played and he sat himself next to me, not nearly as close as before and I found I missed him. Before thinking too much about it I switched song.

And he started humming. Fucking humming. I was totally not prepared for that. It was something different from his small concert on the balcony rails. It was disturbing in another way. It made my insides warm in a way more intimate manner, because now he was soft and sweet and I was _so_ screwed. So so so so screwed. Screwed big fucking time. His voice was like a massage for my brain. Every syllable had its own way of existence and I wondered when I became the poetic one.

I realised the song was coming to the end so I switched again. I waited for him to go on and sing some more but after two chords Pete fell silent. I didn’t know if he didn’t like the song or if I played it wrong or what but he stopped and I was disappointed.

“Why are you playing _that_?” he asked, the last word filled with a strange mixture of distrust and disgust.

“We’re playing it on Saturday.” I stopped plucking on the strings, and frowned at him. That was his own song, what was the problem?

“Could you… just, not do that?” he asked, clearly uncomfortable. He was swinging his feet but I tried to ignore it. I cocked my head to the side.

“No, I don’t think so. Frank counts on us with nine songs and we have six days until the concert. Learning another one is too much, even for my superpowers.” I shook my head. “Why? What’s wrong with _7 Minutes In Heaven_?” I asked and he just looked down on his lap, not answering. “Trick told me you never wanted to play it on a concert so now he wanted to grasp the chance I guess.”

“That bastard.” Pete huffed and turned away. There was something really serious behind all this because he would never have called Patrick anything like that. “It- it doesn’t matter, sugar, just go on, with something else.”

“No.” I put the bass at my feet and looked at him with a firm expression. “I’m not playing anything unless you tell me about that.”

“You’re a proper despot, aren’t you?” he shook his head. “Fine. You know I said I had a… phase when I read Poe and such.” I nodded and he sighed, still not looking up at me. “Well it was… that was about half a year ago, I had the worst time of my life. And when I say it, I mean I really have no idea how I’m here today. It was kind of an existential crisis, I guess. I was thinking, all day and all night, I was insomniac and I felt like I didn’t belong anywhere, not even FOB, you know? I stopped writing songs and in the end I- I overdosed. On purpose.”

When he decided he would tell me about it, his words came flooding and I found myself speechless. I couldn’t imagine him, being quiet and depressed and, Jesus Christ, attempting suicide. He didn’t seem to be the same person now, talking about these things.

“But you’re… you’re okay now, right?” I managed to ask, voice a bit higher than usual. The fear of losing him was now even stronger than when I actually saw him falling from the balcony. Well, almost.

“I take medication for my bipolar. Hey, don’t worry for me, Mikeyway, I’m alright now.” he glanced up at me, analysing my features for a moment, then lips curving into a soft smile.

“You just tell me you were suicidal and assume I can go on without worrying for you?!” I asked, genuinely abashed by this thought.

“It’s not serious since.” he reassured me. “And I have absolutely no bad thoughts since… well, for a week now. Since I met Pansy’s boyfriend’s cute little brother.” he was looking at me with the same expression from the hospital, when he told Frank he’d treat me right.

“Well, if that’s the case, I guess I can stay for some time.” I told him, and had no idea where it came from, but I meant it. He deserved to be happy, and if I kept him happy – even in a not-quite-romantic relationship – I would sure as hell do it further.

“Jesus, pretty boy, you keep telling me these things, how am I not supposed to fall for you?” he whispered, gazing my lips. His voice was so low I almost missed it. I was glad I didn’t.

“Who says that's a bad thing?” I asked back, swallowing as he got nearer and nearer. My breathing slowed as much as my heart sped up, and he was now so close I could feel his breath on my lips and my head filled up with all sorts of questions and I just couldn’t stop my knees from shaking. I cocked my head to give him a better access, but he still didn’t kiss me. I was so ready for that and he didn’t do it. I opened my eyes which I didn’t realise I closed in the first place and saw him staring at me from just inches. His chocolate eyes stared into mines, and I couldn’t look away.

“I was wondering… can I?” he asked, gaze slipping on my lips for just a moment. I fought the urge to punch him.

“Oh god.” I groaned and launched myself forward, crushing our lips together.

His were soft and warm, just as I expected them to be. He smelled of cologne which was so familiar yet totally new in this kind of situation. I shut my eyes again, and he opened his lips, capturing my lower one between his, and lightly sucking on it. I drew in a sharp breath and opened my mouth, licking his lips. He grabbed my hips and pulled me closer – his plastered hand was a bit clumsier but I didn’t mind – so now out tights were touching. I put one hand in his hair, the other on his cheek. He stuck his tongue between my lips as well and god that’s where complications began. I tried, really tried to not tug at his hair, but when I did, he sighed in my mouth. I moaned in response and had to pull away before doing something silly like taking his clothes off.

We barely parted, still watching each other from only inches. His lips were swollen and I was sure mines were, too. I removed my hands from him, and he took them, bringing them between us, playing with my fingers.

“Well, after this I really hope you’re not planning on leaving.” he smiled at me, and in his eyes I saw the softest and shiest gleam that I ever saw. It was almost unbelievable that it came from him.

“I told you, I’m staying.” I reassured him.

“I hope you don’t mind me doing this, then.” he turned towards me with all his body and I did the same. He cupped my face with both hands, carefully so he wouldn’t hit me with his plaster, and pulled me in for the next kiss.

I didn’t break away to tell him, but I was sure he knew I didn’t mind in the slightest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> voting in the comments: who is the bigger dork of the these two


	6. Greased Lightning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Concerts are fun, aren't they?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayyy so i'm back with one of the most complicated things i've ever written. i mean, explaining a concert is so fucking hard, i would have never thought

“Well, this party’s gonna be much bigger than the previous one.” I spoke, Pete’s head in the crook of my neck. We were laying on his bed, a bit relaxing after a long and exhausting make-out session, on Thursday after school. Out legs were tangled and fingers as well. I was facing the ceiling and he was snuggling up to my side. Strange as it was – considering he was the older one – the height difference made it optimal this way.

“And the music will be better as well.” he mumbled against my neck. It was a bit ticklish but I didn’t move. I understood his need of closeness and was more than happy to give it to him. Cuddling was my new favourite activity.

“Yeah, but costumes? I mean Frank was literally obsessive over them but, I dunno, I was thinking I might just ignore it.” I said, drawing shapes on the back of his good hand with my thumb. “I mean, don’t you find costumes a bit childish?”

“What?” he suddenly lifted his head off my shoulder, looking at me with wide eyes. “I really hope you’re kidding me.”

“Why?” I grinned at his sudden change in mood. “Okay, I know it’s fun when you’re a kid, but we’re almost adults-“

“That’s not an excuse!” he sat up, looking at me seriously. He was pouting and he was so adorable I had to stop myself from reaching out and pulling him back to me. “Costumes are for everybody, Mikeyway. I hope you’ve got your own, because you _have_ to look good next to the King of Halloween.” he poked a finger towards his chest.

“Gosh you’re insane.” I laughed. “Well, I’m sure Gee got me something when he and Frank went out to buy theirs.” I reassured him. “Actually, thinking about it, I may won’t wear that. I don’t trust those idiots.” Pete, while I was talking, slowly dragged his hand up from my stomach to my face and in my hair. He played with it and combed through it. “I’m sure you have your costume for weeks now.” I smirked.

“Well, I _had_.” he corrected me. “But this gave me a better idea.” he raised his plastered arm and gave me a lopsided grin. “You won’t be able to keep your hands off me when you see me in it.”

“I’ll manage.” I grimaced at him, but I thought it might be true. Not like I was giving him the satisfaction of hearing it. He seemed to be satisfied with himself anyway. His grin turned into a smug pout, and he tugged at my hair. I surprised him and myself also with a quiet, involuntary sigh.

“Are you sure?” he asked, leaning closer. His face was an inch away from mine, but I couldn’t kiss him because he was holding my hair firmly. His grin was mocking me, and his eyes were shining cheekily. “Your little nerd heart will explode, trust me.”

“I hate you.” I frowned at him, pouting.

“Hate you, too.” he grinned and pushed his lips against mine.

The kiss was a soft one, at least in the beginning. We weren’t good at keeping kisses steady, they always changed rhapsodically between heated and sweet but I loved them so much. That’s what we did for days now. We were talking, making out, talking when we needed some air and making out again.

Pete was all hands. Well, one hand. His tongue was dancing in my mouth, his plastered hand on my chest as he sat up and positioned himself over me. He put his knees on both sides of my stomach and kept pulling my hair gently. His kisses were demanding and I was about to run out of air but he didn’t want to let me take a break.

“Man, my lungs are burning.” I groaned when I managed to pull away. He pushed his forehead against mine and just grinned at me.

“You get one minute, babe.” he warned but didn’t remove his fingers from my hair. He was looking at my lips and eyes and cheeks with dilated pupils. “You know what I want now?” he mumbled, I wasn’t even sure if he knew he was talking. “I want a picture of you like this, all breathless and ruffled hair, and those flushed cheekbones, gosh you look so fantastic-“

“Jesus, could you shut up?” I snorted. “When my tongue is not in your throat you can’t shut up, can you? It’s annoying you know.” I told him, because his comments made my chest – and jeans – tighter.

“Whatever.” he shrugged, his grin shining down on me. “Your time is up anyway.”

He kissed me again, but not on the lips. He started at my jaw, slightly nibbling under my ear. He licked carefully down along my artery, and I shivered a bit. A voice in my head said it was wrong, that I shouldn’t have let him do it. He was now lightly biting down on my collarbone. I gasped and closed my eyes. It felt right, even though I knew I should have felt dirty. And when he started to suck on my neck… I gave some sounds I was not proud of. How did that bastard know where my sweet spot was? I didn’t even know it myself and he found it with no effort. Where my neck met my shoulder, he was sucking on the flesh and was about to put his hands down in the front of my pants-

“Pete, stop.” I breathed. I tried and failed to push him away.

“Why, sugar, we’ve just started.” he mumbled, and somehow he didn’t even took his mouth away from my skin.

“Because I don’t want a fucking hickey!” I shoved him in the chest a bit. He finally backed away with a puzzled expression on his face. “I don’t want to explain it to Gee and Frank and everybody. It’s… too soon. We haven’t done… anything like what it suggests.” I explained, not really looking at him in the eye.

He didn’t talk for a while, he was just looking at me with confusion in his eyes, and I swear I saw a bit of hurt there, too. He was thinking. I didn’t mean to sound so harsh, but I really wasn’t ready for the questions. I mean, Gerard would have gone crazy if he got to know I had sex with Pete. Which I didn’t intend on doing at the moment, but it would have been so harder to explain to my brother. Well, that was half of the reason. I wasn’t ready for anything more physical. I wanted him, god, I really did, but I knew not to start something if I’d chicken out later. The mental part was already very overwhelming for me.

It was about to turn serious. Not the relationship itself, it was close to nothing. We stayed in his room every day, but neither of us minded, really. We were either too lazy or just liked it that way. The serious part was my feelings. I mean, I knew it was natural for the first boyfriend to feel like it’s meant to last forever, but I never actually believed I would think like that one day. It sounded like something the snob and cheesy couples would lie to seem more perfect. And still, when I thought about him, he was like the most important thing about my life. Well, my life in the future. He – not counting Gee – was the only thing I knew I wanted in my future for sure. Him and a unicorn.

“It’s cool.” Pete replied quietly, and it pulled me back to reality. “I mean, we’re cool. I don’t push anything.” he promised with a small nod. I was so glad to hear that. However, his face showed he wasn’t very happy for it.

“Hey.” I put two hands on his face and forced him to look at me in the eye. “I still want to make out with the owner of the bed, if he’d like to.” I told him with a lopsided smile.

His sadness seemed to disappear in a moment, and his smile was back. Not a grin, but definitely an adoring smile. He came back to me again, carefully placing his lips over mine. This kiss was much gentler, he obviously waited for my consent before every move. It was unsettling. I made sure he knew I was more than happy to continue this, but once I started worrying I didn’t seem to be able to stop.

I really hoped I didn’t fuck up everything.

 

Friday and Saturday passed by so quickly – except the Physic test – that when I came back to my senses, I was already plugging my bass in the amplifier at Frank’s. It was past 10 p.m. and I was nervous as hell.

His garden was made into a huge graveyard scene, stage improvised from pallet, the whole place drowned in fake smoke by a fog machine. I was right; there were so many people I didn’t even want to know the exact number. They wore all sorts of costumes – mostly zombies which made me glad Pete told me not to dress as one myself as well –, and I found that my Pikachu hoodie and yellow jeans were nothing compared to those. Some were really serious, and I wondered if I was the only one who didn’t take this too seriously. Music was pouring from the inside of the house. Frank, being an emo Harry Potter-clone and good host didn’t want his guests to be without music before we start. How considerate.

“Baby, you look like a literal bundle of nerve walking around.” Pete – sorry, I mean the Winter Soldier – hugged me from behind as I tried to tune in my bass. He didn’t lie about the costume. It really made my heart melt. It fitted him so perfectly. Before the party, he asked me to help him wrap his plaster and I swear I was hyperventilating for minutes after it. His eyeliner, however, was the same as always.

“No, I’m alright.” I shook my head, Pikachu ears flopping, while I was picking on some of the strings. “You know, there’s nobody waiting to see this concert, only my brother and his boyfriend who actually gives the money for it, bunch of kids from my school and an ass-ton of people from your college, but, you know, it’s nothing. They’re totally not expecting us to blast, nah.”

“Have I ever mentioned I loved your sarcasm?” I could literally hear him smirking as he let me go. I didn’t turn, tried to pretend my bass was very interesting. It and Pete combined managed to block my raging stage-fright for some moments.

“Just constantly.”

“Well, you’ve missed the most important person here, however.” he spoke thoughtfully.

“Really?” I looked at him over my shoulder. “Who would that be?”

“I recall you didn’t allude to your amazing boyfriend who’ll be so damn proud of you.” he said, shrugging, with an ‘idk bro just sayin’’ expression. Once again, I realised I was so hopelessly screwed when it came to him.

“Okay, you guys are being the cutest, but we have a show to put on.” Ray, dressed as GNR’s Slash – lacking his trademark sunglasses because it was night and he was cool, not an idiot – called from behind the mixing board with minimum enthusiasm. I knew that was just the way he rolled. Bob in his Hercules costume sat next to him, not really paying attention to us, but admiring the way Andy, dressed as Luigi played some experimenting rhythms. His moustache was curled up on its ends, and I had to grin every time I looked at him. His little green hat made it even more funny, not to mention his overall.

Pete kissed me a quick goodbye and squeezed my wrist before waltzing down from the stage. I chuckled and shook my head, turning back to my guitar. His guitar. Whatever. The others from the band were doing the sound check as well, and I nodded at Bob – who tried to concentrate on us as well – behind the table that I felt like I was alright. Andy hit the drums for a minute, gesturing at Ray to give some more sound to him. Joe – alias fucking creepy clown who scared the shit out of me – was surprisingly quiet and Patrick seemed so lost in his red devil suit it was almost adorable. Who am I fooling here, he was _totally_ adorable. Even with his smeared eyeliner.

The kids in front of the stage were absolutely drunk already, but it calmed me a bit. They didn’t really pay attention at all, but being an idiot I was made me think making eye contact with my friends down there would help. I looked through the crowd – the whole fucking garden was full, I didn’t want to think about how my stomach clenched at this – and found a Jedi knight standing with the emo Harry Potter next to the wall of the house. I mean the latter was pushed up the wall by my brother, and that was so much more than I ever wanted to see from the two of them. I continued searching and found Pete watching me from under the cork tree – okay, maybe it was an oak, but I hoped to make a clever joke here – by the garage. He was leaning against it, hands folded on his chest, smiling and suggestively licking his upper lip. I promised myself to kill him later.

When Patrick started to sing _Grand Theft Autumn_ I realised I dazed out again. Good thing I could start my riff on time. Halfway into the song the crowd seemed to pay attention to us finally, and going on with the second song I actually saw some guys singing the lyrics to _Liars and Fakes_. I didn’t really move just yet, and Patrick was standing in one place as well. Joe tried to make it less awkward, not really succeeding. The kids down there didn’t really seem to mind, but the only thing I saw were their eyes and it freaked me out even more. I was happy I managed to play the chords properly. Oh, Frank and Gee were watching, too, fantastic. They even stopped making out. Frank’s white face paint was smeared across my brother’s lips. I smirked and hoped they knew it was for them.

Just when we arrived to _Sixteen Candles,_ I looked over to my Winter Soldier. He was really grinning, and I couldn’t stop myself from doing the same. I slowly walked over to Joe, who was more than happy to have me there, because it meant Trick was forced to move, too. The ginger did as he was supposed to, and _Sophomore Slump_ was eventually a real success. The crowd cheered and jumped, and finally I didn’t feel like my veins were filled with of cement. Gee and Frank were making out again, but I didn’t mind. It comforted me in some way. If they decided they didn’t need to look after me in a way, it meant they found I was okay.

 _Dance Dance_ started and Patrick actually danced with me. He pushed his fedora in my head, and I wanted to shake it off to make him pick it up, but I didn’t. He was so great, I couldn’t even tell he was the clumsiest guy ever just minutes before. I had to actually vocal to _I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy_ and I looked for Pete again. When I found him, it was obvious he watched as I danced with Patrick, and surprisingly he wasn’t satisfied. He was very uncomfortable, but I didn’t know why. It was all for the show. When I snuggled up to Trick’s neck, it meant nothing. I knew – Andy told me – that Pete and him were doing the same on concerts, so why was he bothered by it when I did it?

 _7 Minutes In Heaven_. Well, yeah. For the guys in the crowd it was nothing special, just another song they could jump and go crazy to, but I locked eyes with Pete. I didn’t dance with Patrick, didn’t really jump. I just played it as I was supposed to, to Pete. I saw on his face that he understood it, and I wanted to run down to him and kiss him so hard. But we still had two songs left.

 _Sugar We’re Going Down_ was another one when I was playing for Trick. It was easier for him to keep eye-contact with me than with the crowd, so we decided on facing each other throughout the whole song. He was grinning at me, seemingly succeeded to forget the whole crowd in front of us. I knew it calmed him, and we really needed that before the last song.

Turning back towards Pete at the beginning of _Dead On Arrival_ was a cold shower for me, because I thought he would watch me expectantly since after it ended I was going to return to him.

And now, he wasn’t even looking at me.

He was talking to John Travolta from Grease. Which wouldn’t have been a problem if they were not half a foot away from each other. And if the guy weren’t hot.

I never saw him before. I was sure he was a college friend. A very good one, apparently, because Pete was grinning at him with all teeth and it confused the shit out of me. Okay, we didn’t really go to places with him but I was sure he didn’t smile at anybody like that. Well, usually only at me. I was so puzzled I fell out of rhythm and got a surprised moment of silence from Patrick. I apologised from him quickly with a look, and we just went on with the song like nothing happened. I concentrated on the last chorus, and made it right by the time it ended.

After the last note, the crowd exploded in the loudest applause ever, but I didn’t hear them. I only saw the Travolta-wannabe laugh at something Pete said, a bit too vehemently. The guy was a foot higher than Pete and the latter seemed to be so happy to look up at him. His eyes were gleaming and I felt dizzy. I had to get there and stop them.

I put down the bass and jumped down from the stage. I tried to make my way through the crowd, surrounded by people congratulating me to the concert, but I ignored them. I pushed past the costumed people and almost reached Pete when-

“And you said you couldn’t do it? Man, it was awesome!” An emo Harry Potter appeared in front of me from nowhere, placing his small hands on my shoulders.

“Thanks, Frank.” I mumbled and tried to shake him off, but that’s when Gee got to us.

“Baby bro, you never mentioned you were so good at this shit!” the Jedi exclaimed happily. They were both high on something, and I preferred to think it simply was love. “I mean damn, kid, we could even start an own band, you know?... Gosh, I have the best idea ever!” he yelled, and I was sure he was drunk. “Frankie and Ray could play the guitar, you’d play the bass, and that kid in the Hercules costume plays the drums. I can sing fabulously, you both know that.” he chuckled at it, like that was funny in the slightest bit.

“You keep stretching your neck like a giraffe, Mikes, what’s up?” Frank asked, grinning, holding Gerard close so he wouldn’t fall. The emo wizard was soberer than my brother, so he realised I wanted to get the fuck away from them, looking behind them. Frank turned around and saw the scene under the tree, and murmured something like “fuck.”

“ _Fuck_? What _fuck_? What do you mean?” I asked him, quicker than I should have.

“That’s Gabe Saporta.” emo Potter explained, and watched my features, trying to figure if I knew who that was. I felt so bad about this. I had no idea who the tall bloke was.

“Alright, but why is he touching Pete?” I asked. I sounded fucking possessive but I didn’t care. Travolta was now caressing the Winter Soldier’s plastered arm, and I wanted to knock his head against the tree. I still couldn’t hear what they were talking about and the curiosity killed me.

“They… ehm.” Frank coughed twice before replying. “They are pretty good _friends_.”

“I mean, we always told them they have to stop eye-fucking each other during classes but they deny everything.” the drunken Jedi said, grinning stupidly.

“But since you and Pete are together – which is true, right?” Frank asked me for reassurance. We didn’t really shout it from the rooftops but everybody just seemed to know. Now, however, I felt the need to nod repeatedly. “You see? They are surely nothing more than friends.”

“I hope you’re right.” I sighed, and pushed past them. I was a bit calmer than before, but didn’t know if I would stop myself from kicking the dude in the guts.

I decided on a nonchalant “hey guys”. Yeah, that would do. I didn’t want to seem very jealous… but wanted to show the guy he’d better stop touching my Winter Soldier’s arm if he intended on keeping his own attached to his body. A “hey guys” would definitely do.

Well, except that I didn’t count on seeing lanky Travolta kissing Pete on the cheek. I froze. What the hell was going on? It was a quick kiss but the Winter Soldier was all flustered and looked around, trying to avoid the guy’s eyes. That’s when he saw me. The usual glowing was already there and my stomach hurt.

“And here comes Mikeyway!” he came towards me with opened arms and I didn’t really move when he hugged me. “I told you I’d be so fucking proud of you but it was such an understatement.” he whispered to me, grabbing my face and pulling me into a kiss. I still didn’t response, and finally he realised something was off. He pulled away a bit and looked at me in the eye. “Hey, babe, what’s up with you?”

“Funny, I was about to ask the same.” I told him dryly.

“I guess we haven’t met yet. Cute ears, darling” Greased Lightning walked up to us and I wanted to break his arm when he casually hugged Pete’s shoulder with one hand, flicking the Pikachu ear on my hoodie with the other. The guy was so drunk it would have shamed Gee.

“Yeah, babe, this’s Gabe, he’s a college friend.” Pete was smiling brightly, like this was the most pleasant situation he could get himself into.

“I heard about that.” I commented, and the Winter Soldier raised an eyebrow at me. “Frank.” I shrugged.

“So you know Lord Pansy, great. You’d tell him we ran out of beer?” Travolta-wannabe grinned at me and I wanted to punch him so bad. The fact that he called Frank that was so fucking annoying – even though Pete did it as well, but from this guy just nothing seemed right.

“Well, no, I won’t, because I can see you’ve had more than enough and also, do I look like a servant to you?” I asked, not really expecting an answer. The guy was totally stunned and so was Pete.

“Sugar, relax.” he looked at me with huge eyes. “What’s gotten into you?” I could see he really was confused. He didn’t do anything and I knew it. I was being unfair. I only hated this guy, not Pete.

“I’m fine, sorry.” I took his hands in mine and shook my head. “I’m just a bit tired, babe, that’s all.” I told him. I never called him ‘babe’ or anything like that before, and I knew he realised as well, but I wanted to show the 50s’ kid that this Winter Soldier was mine. Pete just grinned at this and led me in the house.

I was sure Travolta would follow but Pete was still holding _my_ hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whose costume did you like best? or what should they have worn? i mean it took me forever to find a fitting one for everybody so i hope you found them alright :"D


	7. That selfish twat Wentz

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikes is so so jealous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haiii so i know i should have told you guys in advance but i was on a holiday and i didn't have the opportunity to write  
> I'm awful, i know... but if you forgive me and decide you still want this story, here's a brand new chapter with a brand new character! I hope it was worth the wait! xoxo

“So we just hid in the janitor’s closet until that bitch stopped looking for us.” Gabe finished his story and laughed, so much louder than he should have. Pete just joined him, and I felt like a total idiot – not to mention left out – because I didn’t get why that was so funny.

That’s how they were for a couple of hours. We were in the living room/dance room, both of them constantly having a paper cup in hand, telling ‘funny’ stories. They drank more – Frank found out by himself that we ran out of beer and, against my strong advice, he got more – and I decided somebody had to stay sober to keep them from doing stupid stuff. Pete was too happy, so goddamn happy that I wanted to cry out. And that is telling, coming from somebody who was meant to keep him happy.

That’s when they decided they just had to go on the dancefloor, imitate the moves of horny teenagers and call it dancing. I didn’t have the stomach to join in so just sat down by the wall and tried to prevent my face from going green as grass.

The way Gabe looked at Pete… like he was going to fuck him against a wall. And Pete fucking enjoyed it! His face was as joyful as a kid’s on Christmas Eve. Gabe took his hand and pulled him in the middle of the crowd, and they were eventually out of my sight. I didn’t know if I was glad or uncomfortable with not seeing them. It reduced my urge to throw up, and that was good.

“Here.” a hand tossed a blue-white cocktail in my direction. Turning left, I saw Patrick standing next to me, still in his red suit and devil’s horns, sympathetic look on his face.

“Thanks.” I nodded and took the glass in my hand. A small drink wouldn’t hurt, right? Frankly, if I’ve drunk three of it, I’d still have been the soberest in there. I took a sip and the alcohol burned my throat but it felt alright. Patrick just stood next to me, knowingly. “So, I guess you didn’t just randomly stop by to give a guy a cocktail?” I offered. He made a face and looked away.

“I know what it feels like.” he eventually said, with a small sad lopsided smile.

“I doubt it.” I snorted. It was an asshole thing to say and I realised it as soon as it left my mouth. “I’m sorry, Trick, I’m just... frustrated.” I sighed. “That douche has been trying to get into his pants all night, and I thought… that we were together or what, but he just acts as if I weren’t even here.”

“As I said, I know what it feels like.” he nodded, as the sign of accepting the apology. “He’s been doing the same to me for years and years now.” he went on, no emotion in his voice. He didn’t look at me, he was just gazing the mingling crowd. The colourful lights mirrored in his eyeliner-contoured green eyes. “He just doesn’t realise when he’s doing these things, you know? Pete needs love. And he believes any kind of attention equals love. Even if it comes from more than one person, he will take all of it anyway. He doesn’t want to hurt you, thought. I know he doesn’t want to hurt me either.” he added, but I suspected it was mainly for himself.

“What does that mean?” I asked him, frowning. “You have been like, together once?”

“It’s more complicated.” he shrugged. “Quoting him, he’s ‘always loved me’. He still calls me beautiful and his own sometimes but I’ve learned it’s not exclusively for me. He’s the most fantastic person I’ve ever met, but also the worst in relationships.” he confessed, and took a quick glance at me. Before I could’ve held his gaze, his attention was already back on the dancefloor. “I’m not telling you not to give him a chance. I really hope you’ll be his exception because honestly, he needs someone to save him from guys like Saporta.” he nodded towards the crowd.

Following that direction I found the Winter Soldier in the sea of people. He was swinging his hips, hands over his head – the plastered arm in a bit awkward angle –, face sweaty and flushed. Travolta was standing behind him, only a thin layer of air between them preventing Gabe to grind directly against Pete’s ass.

Before I knew it, I was already standing, ready to get in there and murder that retro bastard with my bare hands.

“Easy there, tiger.” Patrick put a hand on my chest, suddenly standing in front of me. He was looking at me in the eye and I knew he was right. I didn’t want to cause a scene. And get blood on Frankie’s carpet.

“So what, that’s it? I’ll just have to swallow all of this for ever?” I asked desperately. It was a strange feeling, a new one.

“You can talk to him about it, I didn’t say you couldn’t. Just not tonight.” he told me, still holding my gaze. “He’s drunk. Tell him what not to do now and he’ll do it faster than you know.”

“You’re right.” I said after a second of considering. I threw myself back down on the chair, and finished my cocktail which I put down on the table next to me just moments before.

“Okay, I’ll go and find Frank, because I need some of the money to pay for the rented instruments tomorrow.” he took a look at his watch. “I mean, today.” he corrected himself and looked back down at me. “You’ll be alright?”

“Sure.” I nodded. “Thanks.” I smiled at him, more compassionate than anything else. “And I’m sorry. About you two, you know.”

He just waved it off, turned around, and walked towards the door, then left.

I was alone once again, and decided it was so much better when I didn’t see Pete and Gabe. I gritted my teeth, and I was genuinely surprised that I didn’t break any of them. My jaw hurt, my nails dug into my palm and my whole body was just tensed. I didn’t know where Gee and Frank were, but I hoped they were together and that my brother would have a bed to sleep in.

The people on the dancefloor were having fun. The music was not bad, not really my favourites but they suited the spirit of the whole party. The house was lit by the countless reflectors and stroboscopes and I felt my brain throbbing in my head, so I decided to go outside. I placed my glass down and made my way to the back door. It was surprisingly easy; nobody tried to pull me in the dancing crowd and I was glad they didn’t. I pushed the door open and let it close behind me, reducing the volume, and I felt better instantly.

There were two girls making out, the tall brunette pushing the chubby blonde against the wall and I just decided to leave them alone. However, I didn’t think they realised I was standing next to them. Nobody seemed to acknowledge my presence since the concert was over. Speaking of, I took a look at the small stage, and realised there was no one there. I walked to the makeshift wooden steps and sat down.

The garden was much more peaceful. The music was obviously loud enough that I could hear it there, too, the lights eliminated the grass around the building, but only a few people decided to leave the house like me. I was happy to finally calm down, the cold air clearing my mind.

I was an idiot. Why was I so jealous? I’ve never been that person. It was always me who considered relationships to be too tight, I was always the one to try and make some space for myself. Now that the tables turned, I totally understood what it must have been like for my exes when I went out without them. I wasn’t a player, I just liked to get away sometimes.

“Hey gorgeous.” I heard a voice and I looked up. A tall guy in a costume that must have been Jesus was walking towards me.

“Do I know you?” I asked, although I was sure I didn’t. He was older than me, clearly, and very handsome; I knew I would have remembered if I had a friend like him. His face was too characteristic to dismiss. Now, he was grinning widely at me.

“Not yet.” There was something in his huge brown eyes that made him look dangerous and cute at the same time.

“So why are you talking to me?” I went on, and I knew I was being rude but I couldn’t care less. Jesus raised his eyebrows and that’s when I realised he had a gigantic forehead.

“You looked sad and alone and I thought ‘hey, Bren, you could cheer him up’.”

“Thanks, but I really don’t need it.”

“You don’t look like that.” he claimed and sat down next to me, despite I didn’t ask him to. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Why would I want to talk to a stranger about my problems?” I snorted, glancing towards the house, wondering what Pete and Dickhead were up to at the moment.

“Because it’s better to talk to a stranger who’s drunk and won’t remember it tomorrow than to a friend who will.” he answered, laughing. He didn’t seem that drunk to me, but maybe he was just playing well. “Also, I’m Brendon.” he held out his hand to shake. “If you’re so keen on talking to someone you know.”

“Mikey. And telling me your name doesn’t mean I know you.” I informed him, but shook his hand anyway. His name was familiar, however. I dug through my memories and thought about who could have said it. “Are you Frank’s friend?”

“Well, not really, at the moment…” he grimaced and shrugged. That was it. I knew when I heard the name Brendon.

“You’re from Panic!, aren’t you?”

“From?” he laughed a bit. “I’m the frontman. I write the songs, sing and play guitar. I _am_  Panic!.”

“Yeah, because that sounds so charming.” I made a face.

“But it’s true, you know.” he shrugged, still grinning. “I’m the one who gives life to the songs and the whole band.”

“A band is made up of a group of people. Several people. Saying you’re the band itself, is disgusting.” I told him, not really looking at him.

“Whatever. It’s not the others who made us famous.”

“You’re not famous.” I reassured him, smirking. “I’ve never even heard about Panic! before Frank told me you cancelled on him last-minute.”

“Oh, yeah, well that’s one of the reasons I came here.” he said, as if he was just reminded of it. “The other party sucked so we decided to leave as soon as the concert was over. I just wanted to wish Frankie boy a happy birthday.”

“And you seriously thought you would be welcomed here?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. He was probably drunker than he seemed.

“Yeah, of course, I mean, it’s not like we ruined his night, right?” he was grinning again at me, eyes looking as playful as ever. “You are really good with the bass.”

“Eh… thanks?” I frowned, because I knew I fucked up the concert in the end a bit. I really was not the best bassist ever, and if he really was in Panic! he sure as hell met much more talented musicians than me. Or probably I was just awful with compliments.

“Don’t mention it.” he waved it off. “So are you the new bassist of FOB? ‘Cause I totally get it if they kicked out that selfish twat Wentz.”

“Shut the fuck up, you don’t know him!” I hissed instantly, glaring at him from behind my glasses and it was his turn to look startled.

“I don’t, do I?” he was eyeing me, and he seemed impressed. “ _You_  surely know him better.”

“Yes, I do.” I told him without a second thought. But then I made a mistake; I let the doubt show on my face.

“At least you think you do.” he offered and smiled at me smugly. “He has quite a reputation on campus, did you know?”

“Yeah?” I asked quietly, not sure if I wanted to hear about that. I mean, of course I wanted, but that night I didn’t need any more things to make me uncertain.

“Yeah, I mean, man, that guy has slept with half of the college. And trust me, it was the better half.” Brendon nodded, wiggling his eyebrows. “He knows how to sweet talk, I bet he did the same to you.”

“It’s not like that. At all.” I shook my head instantly.

“If you say so, bunny.” he shrugged, and nodded towards the house. “Anyways, if I were you, I’d make sure Saporta keeps it in his pants. That guy is crazy when it comes to Wentz-”

“Why do you tell me all these things?” I asked, mainly to shut him up but I was also curious. Why would he want to tell me all this? He didn’t even know me and now he wanted to make me feel even more awful than I already did.

“I’m warning you, kid.” he looked at me in the eye and for a moment I almost believed him. “Wentz is not somebody you want to fall for.”

“Apparently, tonight everybody knows so fucking well what I should and shouldn’t do.” I rolled my eyes, annoyed.

At that moment, I saw Patrick rushing out of the house as if he were escaping from a burning building. He had no fedora on and I instantly knew it was something very important. I stood up, interrupting Brendon before he could have said anything. Patrick looked around and when he spotted me, he ran towards me. I just walked to him, not running but hurrying.

“Mikey, come, it’s Frank and Gabe- wait. What are _you_  doing here, Bren?” Trick looked concerned when he finally recognised who I was with.

“It doesn’t matter.” I put up a hand on front of Brendon who was about to reply. “What happened?”

“Fight.” Patrick said with a genuinely worried expression. Without a second thought I was already making my way towards the house, with the other two behind me. Brendon had no problem with keeping up, but since Patrick’s legs were way shorter, I tried not to leave him too far behind.

“Why?” I asked simply, not looking back at him.

“All I know is that Saporta said something about Frank’s height and you know how he hates when people mock him for it.” Trick explained and I nodded. “His mouth was practically foaming and he jumped on Gabe.”

“What the fuck is with everybody tonight?” I asked as I teared the door open and entered the living room. First I couldn’t even make out a thing, but when I did, I stared to worry, too. The countless dressed-up people were standing in a not too big circle, surrounding two people rolling on the floor. The neon reflectors made the whole scene look surreal. I could see Frank’s bleeding nose and Travolta’s torn jacket. The crowd was cheering over the music – most of them rooted for Frank, I assumed because it was his party and they all wanted more alcohol – and nobody seemed to be willing to stop it.

I hated fighting. My way was to stare at somebody until they regretted being born, and it worked on everybody. Well, everybody sober. I couldn’t have done that to the two idiots on the floor, and I was sure I would have ended up badly beaten if I tried to separate them. I was ridiculously unfit and skinny, so I just stood there and watched as the emo Harry Potter received a punch, hoping he would return it soon.

The next thing I know is that Pete got between them. He threw himself against the human mass and tried to pull Frankie away. Thought, the small guy was mad; he floundered and tore himself out of the Winter Soldier’s one-handed grip. Pete didn’t give up. He grabbed Harry Potter’s torso and tugged him away from the now also furious Travolta. Frank pushed his elbow against Pete who fell backwards, with a painful expression on his face.

I rushed to him, and a moment later, I was kneeling beside him as he tried to breathe again. He whined as he did so, hands on both sides of his ribcage. I held him, trying to prevent people from stepping on him.

In the meantime, Bob appeared in the circle of humans out of nowhere, and didn’t even try to grasp Frank. He went for Gabe instantly, and he was much more effective than Pete. He took Saporta’s shoulder and pulled him to the ground. The tall guy stumbled down on the floor and I thought Frank would now tear his guts out but I was wrong. Ray was there, too and he somehow managed to yank Harry Potter towards the wall, pushing him on a chair. Frank wanted to get back to Gabe and probably kill him but Ray didn’t let him stand up. Maybe being soberer than Pete was a perk.

Speaking of, I turned my attention back at the Winter Soldier on my lap. He was now breathing evenly and watched as the crowd was slowly breaking up.

“You idiot.” I mumbled as I stood up and helped him get up, too. He was standing on his feet quite steadily, and I took a look at him. He seemed to be alright, only his mood was broken. “Why the hell did you go in there?”

“I wanted to help.” he said, sadly pursing his lips, and I almost forgot he was still drunk. I had no idea what time it was but it was clearly more than enough of the party from him.

“Alright, let’s get you to bed.” I told him, and took his hand. He, to my surprise, obeyed and followed me out of the room, struggling through the people who were about to leave. Pete tripped some times before we got out, and looking up the stairs I knew I couldn’t take him up there on my own.

“Need some help?” Brendon’s voice came from behind me. I just mumbled a ‘yeah’ and he took Pete’s plastered arm, put it around his neck and hugged his back. I did the same on my side and we slowly walked up the stairs.

“Hey Bdeeeen.” Pete grinned at him, but Jesus ignored it, so he went on. “Long time no see… How’s Ryan?” he asked nonchalantly and I saw Brendon’s jaw clench. I decided not to ask.

We eventually made it up the stairs and I pulled them to the guestroom. It was a bit trashy but the bed was still usable so we laid Pete down.

“Mikeyway?” he called my name and I leaned down to him. “Come on, sleep with me.”

“I have some other things to do first, okay?” I asked him, not really believing he understood it.

“Mkay, but after that, you come back and cuddle with me.” he mumbled against the pillow and I just sighed.

“Of course.” I reassured him, and with that, he was already snorting. I knew Brendon listened to it but I didn’t really care. He seemed to know all about us already. I walked out of the room and he followed me. I closed the door and I was relieved to know Pete would stay there the rest of the night. Without any Travolta in his pants.

Bren and I walked down the stairs silently. I wanted to ask who Ryan was, but he clearly wanted to avoid that one question so I didn’t say a word. I was going to ask Pete about him later anyway.

Downstairs it was becoming peaceful. The people probably only needed the fight to make them realise it was time to leave. Almost the whole house was empty now. Somebody has turned off the music and the reflectors. The hallway’s and the dining room’s lights were on, and I saw Slash, the terrifying clown and the devil in a suit sitting at the table.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Ray asked when he saw Brendon. It was not angry, just tired and annoyed.

“I came to celebrate with Frankie but I see it’s not the right time. He’d probably want to gut me, too, if he saw me.” Bren replied and put a hand on my shoulder. “It was great, talking to you, Mikey. See you around. Guys.” he nodded towards the others at the table and left. He was very strange. However, I was more interested in some other things at the moment.

“Where’s Saporta? And would someone care to explain what the hell happened in the first place?”

“Frank kicked him out.” Patrick replied.

“He bumped into Frank, pouring vodka on him and instead of apologising he made fun of him. Called him a midget, which was quite hilarious, but then insulted Gee and Frank just lost it.” Ray explained. I waited for Joe to add something, but he seemed so stoned that I wasn’t sure he knew where he was. He was examining his fingers with wide eyes.

“And where’s Gerard?” I asked, suddenly remembering he was in a shitty condition when I last met him.

“I saw them stumbling into the bathroom, sucking on each other’s face.” Trick shrugged. “If I were you, I wouldn’t try to find them.”

“Alright.” I grimaced, trying not to think about it. “So you guys are going home or what?”

“Yeah, I’ll drive them. I have a free seat, if you want it to come, too. I don’t think Andy and Bob are coming with us…” Ray added, nodding towards the living room. I peered in there and saw two dark figures at the dim light, curled up on the couch by the wall, quietly talking but clearly about to pass out.

“At least it was a good night for them.” I sighed and turned back to Slash. “No, thanks, someone has to take care of all the hangovers in the morning.”

“As you wish.” Ray shrugged. “Oh, by the way, you should thank Frank tomorrow.” he said as he walked towards the door. Patrick tugged at Joe’s arm who stood up and followed them with a dreamy expression. “I don’t think he only fought Saporta because of the comments on him and Gerard.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come on, give Jesus some kudos


	8. That's a lot to be sorry for

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Making up (or not?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know school is not an excuse for missing updates, but i have nothing else to blame my procastination on... i'm sorry i'm the worst writer ever

I was sure the next morning would be awkward and uncomfortable, but when I opened my eyes I didn’t expect to find myself alone in bed. I knew I fell asleep next to Pete. Last night, after Ray left, I silently sneaked in next to him. I watched him before turning away and slowly drifting into sleep. We’ve never slept together before so this should have been comforting. It wasn’t, at all.

I eventually decided to go downstairs and find him. I didn’t want to talk about it, but I wanted to talk about it. And I knew I had to. I had no idea if he even remembered the night, but I hoped not. I wasn’t proud of myself, of my jealous comments and actions.

Wandering into the kitchen I found it empty. It was a total mess, even worse than two weeks ago, if that was possible. The chairs were mostly undamaged, and the table, too, which was good news. I took a hopefully clean paper cup from a stack on the counter, and drank some water, finding out I was awfully dehydrated. I wondered if Pete had water with him, anywhere he was.

I walked in the living room, and kept back a groan. Andy and Bob were sleeping on the couch, the latter hugging the smaller one from behind. The costumes made it a bit ridiculous but it was rather… cute, nonetheless. They looked peaceful and quite happy, and I felt my heart stung a little. That’s how Pete and I should have slept together. I mean, come on, these guys weren’t even together!

But were we?

I took my phone out of the pocket of my Pikachu hoodie and texted him.

_hey did u make it home? i didnt realise u left in the morning_

I peered out of the window. The garden looked very cold and abandoned, the Halloween decorations and the grass soggy from the morning dew. It was cloudy and I hoped I would make it home before it started to rain. The only problem was to find a functioning car. With a functioning driver.

I went upstairs again, and knocked on Frank’s door. Some muffled sounds came from in there, but nobody really rushed to open the door for me. I took a look at my phone. It was past eleven. Pete hadn’t respond.

“You both have clothes on?” I called in.

“Wait.” Gerard’s voice grumbled, so I did. Some seconds later he opened the door. He looked like shit. His hair was the worst, it was just a huge black mop on his head. He was in his boxers and Frank’s Green Day shirt. His eyes were barely open and he clearly had a headache. “Why he fuck are you awake?” he asked. I could hear Frank snore in the background but didn’t feel the urge to look in. I didn’t need to see him naked.

“Pete’s gone.”

“What.” he raised his eyebrows, but clearly didn’t really process what I was talking about.

“Pete’s fucking _gone_!” I repeated, much louder. He grimaced, turning his head away.

“Shut up, idiot.” he mumbled. “So could you, you know, explain the night? I can’t remember anything after arriving.”

So I told him about the concert, the first time I saw Saporta, how he and Pete drank and danced way to much together, about the fight and that when I woke up he was gone.

“Woah, wait.” he put up a hand in the end and tried to put the pieces together. “That asshole called Frankie a midget? I’m gonna fucking fight him, I swear…”

“I told you the whole goddamn story and _that’s_ the first thing you ask?” I looked at him with an unamused expression. He really was not in the condition to fight anyone of anything.

“No, sorry.” he shook his head a little and thought for a moment. “When you say you two slept together-“

“Nope.” I reassured him quickly. “I’m not a whore, okay? He was dancing with that twat all night, and he was _drunk_ , god, no, I would’ve never.”

“Okay, alright.” he said, pinching the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes shut. We stood there for some moments and when I saw he wouldn’t say anything else I spoke.

“So I guess you don’t want to drive me home?” I asked, not really expecting a positive answer.

“Fuck no.” he grumbled. “I’m seeing double and gonna throw up in the car.

“You are so gross.” I grimaced.

“I’ll drive you.” Frank appeared out of nowhere behind Gee, shirtless. He hugged him from behind and leaned in to kiss his neck.

“Morning, babe.” he mumbled and I winced. They were still too much for me to take.

“You too. But maybe you should put on some pants?” was Gerard’s answer as he leaned into the hug.

“Too much information!” I threw my hands in the air, turning away and walking towards the stairs.

“We’ll be down in ten.” Frank called after me and I really doubted they would but went down anyway.

 

Eventually we’d woken up Bob and Andy, put them in Bob’s car – they just laid down on the backseat and fell asleep again – and we took off. While travelling home, I barely said a word. Frank and Gerard were talking about some things in college, and I just couldn’t bother to pay attention. I leaned against the car window and thought about Pete. I still hadn’t got a reply from him. I had no idea what to do with him. Was I going to call him? Yes, I was, in the end I had to if he wouldn’t. I didn’t know what I wanted to say to him. After all the thinking my brain was like a damp mop, and I just wanted to curl up in my bed.

When we arrived home, we were all super surprised to find Mom’s car in front of the house. The quiet chatter between Gee and Frank died down immediately. Gerard was somehow fell out of his hangover at once. Frank parked next to Mom’s small car, and despite the silence we all knew what was coming.

We got out and walked up to the door. I knew it was their thing to do, however, couldn’t help but feel anxious. Frank hadn’t met Mom since they were together and they hadn’t tell her yet. She was working in the office, 6 days out of 7, she barely made it home by 11, and was usually just too tired to interact with us.

Gerard looked at Frank in the eye before letting go of his hand and opening the door. He went in first, Frankie followed him, and I went last. I silently closed the door behind us.

“Gee? Mikey?” Mom asked and we greeted her as we walked in the kitchen.

Our mother was rather pretty for a forty-four-year-old lady. She wore elegant clothes but not too posh; she just liked to look good. Now there she was, sitting at the counter, listening to the radio, over a cup of coffee. She must had just arrived home.

“Hello, Frank.” she greeted him with a tired but honest smile. She turned the radio down so it was only a quiet background noise.

“Hey, Mrs. Way.” Frank smiled, too, but I could easily see it was not genuinely happy. He was the worst when nervous and I hoped Gerard would fix the situation.

“So… Mom… I have some news and I hope you’ll take it well…” my brother spoke, trying and failing to state things clearly and simply. He just swung from one foot to the other instead. Mom, realising the seriousness in Gee’s voice, put down her coffee and gave him her undivided attention. “It’s going to be a bit awkward if you stare at me like that.” he shook his head and looked down at his feet.

“So what? Do you want me to turn away?” she asked jokingly, and Gerard actually thought about it for a moment before nodding. “Gosh, what did you boys get into this time?” she asked with a hidden smile and glanced at me for a moment. She pretended to be worried, but maybe it was not so much of an act. She turned her head away from Gerard, so she was looking at me. “You know I don’t have the money to get you two out of trouble-“

“It’s nothing like that, I promise.” Gee fidgeted with the hem of his shirt.

“Oh. Alright, then.” I saw Mom relaxed a bit, but still kept her eyes on me as if I were to give away what this whole scene was about. I didn’t say a thing.

“Well… you know, Frankie is my best friend… stays over rather often…” Gerard glanced at his boyfriend who gave him an encouraging nod. “We… play videogames together and read comics like… other guys… I suppose.” Gerard hesitated and I wanted to laugh out loud. He made it so much more awkward than it should have been.

“You know what?” Frank asked and simply leaned over to Gee, and kissed him. I was not sure my brother wouldn’t faint. His eyes grew wide and all colour left his face. When the smaller boy pulled away Gerard was speechless.

“Oh.” Mom looked genuinely surprised, and I could tell she had no idea. It was sad in a way, however. She’d spent so little time at home it didn’t even occur to her that they were something more than friends. And apparently, it was really fucking hard not to see it.

We were all waiting for Mom’s reaction. Her eyebrows were raised high and she was thinking, probably processing what’d just happened. Gerard grabbed Frankie’s hand beside him and the smaller boy held it tightly.

“How long have you been together?” was the first thing Mom asked, her surprise still on her face.

“Only two weeks. But we should have been for a much longer time.” Gee spoke and he held her gaze. He wasn’t afraid and I was so proud of him in that moment.

“Okay, I see.” she nodded and smiled at them, as if observing them as a couple now, for the first time. “Gosh, how could I not realise?” she asked in a soft voice and I saw a bit of sadness in her eyes. It was probably because she didn’t know about it. I felt sorry for her; raising us alone was not the easiest thing and not the most grateful either, but she did it justice; she’d worked as much as she could so we had everything we needed.

“So it’s totally okay with you?” Gerard asked, just for reassurance.

“Of course it is.” she nodded and Gee’s face was glowing with happiness. He gave her a kiss on the cheek, then turned to Frank to kiss him on the lips, now for real.

And I was just watching from beside Mom and couldn’t help but feel a bit sad. I wanted this moment for my own, too. With my miniature, eyeliner-contoured pipe bomb. To see that shit-eating grin on his face when Mom makes him cinnamon rolls and does things to embarrass me in front of him. Yeah, I may have been a bit of a romantic.

But my pocket-Romeo still hadn’t called and I started to feel annoyed. Was he ignoring me on purpose? I really hoped not. He was not the type to ignore texts. Not if they were from me. Was he talking to Saporta? Did he go to his flat when he left me in the morning?

The thought left a bitter taste in my mouth. The last thing I wanted to find out was Pete leaving my side for Saporta.

 

By Monday afternoon, my sadness over the fact that me and Pete hadn’t talked since Saturday turned into anger. I didn’t even try calling him anymore. I mean, he was the one who disappeared the morning prior, was it really my responsibility to find him? No. I _was_ anxious about him, however, but tried to repress it.

I still didn’t know if he remembered anything, but since he didn’t call I assumed he did. Or at least someone told him about it. He wouldn’t have left in the morning if he didn’t know how we got in there. He would have woken me up. He was too much of a curious person.

Walking home from school, I had to pass his house by. I tried not to stare at it in a creepy way, but my eyes wandered over to his bedroom’s window and I felt my face turn red. I was wondering if he and Saporta were in there. A moment later I felt like slapping myself across the face because seriously, Michael, you’re being fucking jealous again?!

I really wanted not to be jealous. I’d made a fool of myself on the party already, and sure as hell was I not going to knock on his door and do it again. If he wanted to talk to me, he had to come and look for me.

I turned the corner of our street and despite the distance I immediately saw the small person sitting on our porch. It could have been Gee or Frank, but it wasn’t very likely for them to be without one another. Making my way towards the house I felt my throat tighten. I tried not to walk too slow or too fast, either being too telling in this situation. I looked down at my feet and walked the remaining meters to the porch. He got up as I stood in front of him, and he was of the same height as me, standing a few steps higher.

"Hey." he greeted, voice soft and quite.

“Hi.” I returned it coldly, not looking up. I felt his eyes on me, I felt his desperation for my words, but I was still mad at him.

We were standing there for a whole minute, the street quiet around us. I risked a glance at Pete and caught him staring at me.

"You’re beautiful." he said, honesty clear in his voice and I snorted.

"Well, if _that’s_ all you have to say..." and I walked up the stairs, to the front door, pushing past him. He, however put his hand on the door handle, blocking the way with his body. I didn’t speak, didn’t try to shoo him away, I just looked at him in the eye and silently dared him to say something. He looked exhausted and worried but spoke.

"I’m so sorry, Mikeyway, so fucking sorry." he mumbled, eyes pleading.

"What for?" I asked because I wanted to hear it from him.

"For Gabe and the party and for disappearing on Sunday and not calling and for just turning up here..." he said with one breath and stopped at the end, waiting for me to say something.

"Well, that’s a lot to be sorry for." I stated and I saw him flinch.

"You are very angry." he observed in a small voice.

"Of course I’m fucking angry!" I threw my hands in the air and turned away. “What the ever-loving fuck did you think I’d say? That ‘no prob, sugar, come fuck me’?”

"I hoped we- look, babe, I fucked up, I know that, but it doesn’t mean I don’t care about you. He doesn’t mean anything, we’re not a thing anymore." he spoke and stepped closer to me. He tried to take my hand, but I pulled away from him. I ignored his last sentence, because thinking how they _used_ to be a thing made me unbelievably annoyed.

"I’m pretty sure you didn’t really care how it felt for me, watching you and Saporta grind against each other all night." I spoke in a blunt tone, showing my trademark bitchface.

"Don’t put it that way." he grimaced. "It sounds like we’ve fucked."

"Because you haven’t, have you?" I asked, only lightly raising an eyebrow.

"Of course we haven’t!" he exclaimed with disbelief on his face. "I was drunk, but not _that_ drunk."

"So you remember everything perfectly, I assume."

"Yes!" he stated, but a moment later added: "Almost. Well okay, I don’t." he looked down at his feet.

"So who told you about it?" I asked and just as if it was scripted, a fancy red car pulled up in front of the house. The driver didn’t cut the engine, just opened the door and grinned at us from in there. His lip was a bit puffy and purplish. He pushed his totally inappropriate sunglasses up on his head and I saw he had a pretty little black eye, too. Despite all this, he seemed satisfied.

"Hey, Mikes." Gabe chimed in and I had to keep myself from cursing loudly. "So, you coming or not?" he asked Pete and I turned to him with disbelief.

"I... erm." he blinked at me and looked down at his feet. "I called him to come here in case you wouldn’t talk to me. I have two tickets to the movies and I thought... if you wouldn’t want to come with me, which was very plausible... this came out pretty unfortunately." he summarised and I couldn’t believe what he’d just said.

"No shit Sherlock." I spoke in such a sarcastic tone that it hurt my own ears. "I can’t believe you’re such a dickhead." I whispered and saw he stopped breathing. "Do me a favour and enjoy the movie. I hope it was worth it." and with that I turned around and went in the house, not even shutting the door behind me, just closing it without a sound.

The house was silent and I hoped no one was inside to witness the scene prior. I put my face in my hands and stayed stood in front of the closed door. No noises came from the outside either and I knew Pete wouldn’t follow me. And I was just standing and wasn’t able to move. I felt like crying but I wouldn’t do it in the hallway. I heard some bickering steps and the shutting of the car’s door. The engine roared and they drove away. There was nothing left, only the pulsing sound of my heartbeat in my ears.

"Mikey?" I heard a voice coming from the stairs of the basement. My subconscious recognized it was Frank’s but I didn’t care to talk to him. I just wiped my hands on my jeans – the ‘no-crying-in-the-hall’ part failed – and rushed upstairs. This time I did shut my bedroom’s door and leaned with my back against it.

I wanted to scream and break things, maybe stab something. Lacking all better options, I simply punched the wall next to me. I did it over and over again and I didn’t realize how hard I hit it until the wall was red with blood. I didn’t stop.

I hated Gabe, hated his ridiculous smile and his disgustingly expensive car and his Travolta costume and his shiny hair. I hated Pete, too, his beautiful eyes and sweet kisses, how he just craved affection and how mine wasn’t enough for him. But mostly, I hated myself, I hated how naïve and how much of an idiot I was for thinking it would ever work out for us.

Two arms grabbed me from the behind and pulled me away from the wall.I was taken down on the ground, not really hearing anything but to sound of my screaming. Strangely, I didn’t notice I was screaming in the first place.

“Shh, it’s okay, it’s okay.” I heard Gerard mutter in my ear and I grabbed at his shirt, not caring I would put blood all over it. I wept and held on to him as if my life depended on it. He hugged me back and whispered in my ear so I’d relax a bit. And suddenly, we were kids again, I was five and he was nine and I was crying because of the storm and he held me so I wouldn’t feel alone. He put me together and cheered me up.

It worked then, but no matter how much I wanted it to be, it was nearly not enough now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some kudos for broken!Mikey?


	9. My private fuck-up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A week and a half after the party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: this may contain triggers for you, if you don't want to read about homophobia, leave out the part between // and // and you'll be just fine!

“Did you not hear my question, Mr. Way?” the teacher called my name and I didn’t even bother to look up. I didn’t know what class I was in or which period it was, nor did I care. It was Tuesday but my mood could have been described as a ‘multiplied Monday’. I barely ate in the morning, well, in a week, actually. All I wanted was my bed and to sleep for the rest of the week. I drank half a litre of coffee already and it didn’t help a bit.

“What?” my voice was bored and I was just tapping my fingers on the desk, leaning on the other elbow. I was watching my wounded knuckles. They still looked bad but not nearly as bad as a week prior.

“You meant ‘ _excuse me_ ’, Mr. Way, didn’t you?” he asked back in a stiff tone and I only peered up at him. He was small, annoyingly nicely dressed, his hair thinning on the top. He must have been in his late forties. He wasn’t very threatening to look at but the class was silent when he used his rigid teacher-voice.

“Sure.” I spoke in not a very convincing manner and he just narrowed his eyes at me.

“What was my last sentence, if you’d be so kind and repeat it?”

“I have no idea.” I told him honestly. A nervous laughter came from some desks away from me. The teacher raised his eyebrows.

“Come to the board, young man.” he ordered sternly. I stood up with a sigh and shuffled past the desks in front of me, everybody watching me in a tense silence. The teacher motioned towards the world map that hung in front of the blackboard and I stood there. “What are we learning about?”

“The second world war?” I replied, after glancing at the map’s caption. So this was History. Good to know.

"Applause applause, Mr. Way." he grimaced. "Did you not pay attention at all?" he asked, knowing the answer already.

"No. But at least I'm not sleeping like the rest of the class." I shrugged. I didn't mean to be cheeky, I just couldn't care to put up a filter for my words. I saw the teacher's nostrils widen as he looked at the class. There were some who were actually sleeping and the others shoved them in the arm or poked them to wake them up.

"I see." the teacher nodded and straightened himself so he would look more serious. "Thank you, Mr. Way, for pointing this out to me. I assume the class knows this topic so well that they are bored to _death_ , listening to it. No problem! I don't mind you to write a test on it tomorrow."

The class gave a loud groan and some 'fuck you, Mikey' and 'thanks, asshole' flew across the room. I knew I would become the no.1 enemy for at least a week but I just didn't feel bad.

I didn't feel anything.

The bell rang and the whole class stood up as one and started flowing out of the classroom. They threw me deadly glances on the way and I tried my best not to tell them to fuck off.

I grabbed my bag from my desk and left as well. The hallway was full of people, some faces I knew, some I didn't. They were all rushing to the canteen so they would have more time to spend with friends before last period.

I wasn't really keen on lunchtime. Maybe because I always ate alone since Frank and Gerard didn't go there, maybe because it was a total waste of time. I mean, last period had been over sooner, we could have gone home and eat real food, not the shit they wanted to feed us.

I walked to my locker and on the way I was thinking how college must have been better. There, if you don't want to go in class you don't have to. And here I was, struggling though the day because I didn't want to talk, didn't want to interact with anybody, I just wanted to sleep because I was _so fucking tired_.

I opened my locker, took out some books and shoved them into my bag. I knew I wouldn't do the homework, let alone study but I put them away anyway and threw it on my back. I closed the locker and decided to find a calm corner to agonise peacefully.

I pulled out my phone and looked for Gerard's number. I knew there was no way in hell I would go to last period, because I would probably have murdered somebody if I did.

"Hey Mikey." Gee picked it up on third ring. His voice was soft; he knew perfectly well how bad my mood was.

"Could you pick me up?" I asked, blatantly.

"Well yeah, sure." he replied after a moment. "Is everything okay?"

"When you say _everything_ do you mean school?" I asked back and he didn't answer. "Yes, I just want to go home. You can’t make me stay." I asked, tone a bit harsh but he didn’t mention it.

"I'll be there in fifteen."

"Thanks."

I eventually found an empty classroom and decided to stay in there till he arrived. I sat on top of a desk and took the sandwich that Gerard made me out of my bag. It smelled rather good but I just couldn't get myself to bring it up to my mouth and take a bite. My stomach was the size of a pea and my throat tightened at the thought of eating.

It had been my reaction to almost everything for eight days then. The week prior I couldn't leave my room. Mom wasn't at home, only at night, she didn't notice a thing, and Gerard wrote a note to the head teacher in Mom's handwriting that I was ill.

I was at home, more precisely in my bed for almost the whole week and I was just staring in front of myself, feeling empty and miserable. I feared I would collapse into myself if I stood up. Gerard stayed at home as much as he could and made sure I wouldn't do anything stupid. I wanted to tell him I would never, but my voice didn't work, I couldn't have told him anything if my life depended on it. My throat closed up and I was mute.

I didn't eat what he gave me, hardly even drank, and I slept fourteen hours in a row. I didn't really dream, but my sleep was noisy; it was like somebody was constantly screaming at me. The sleep didn't bring rest and I woke up just as tired as I fell asleep.

Pete was the only thing on my mind for days after... the _incident_. I could feel the ghost of his touch over my skin and saw his face every time I closed my eyes. I couldn't believe what a fuck-up I was. It was clear we were not nearly similar: he was older, more popular and more attractive. Much more attractive. He had more wit, and he subconsciously made place for himself in my life. Where his presence was for the past weeks, a huge void gaped now. I missed him like hell and there was just no logical answer why. We've only spent two weeks together. It was the smallest time, the shortest period for a relationship and I was dying without him. I wondered if it was like drug addiction.

My phone chimed with the text notification and I stood up to go to the parking lot. I threw my sandwich back in my bag, untouched. I hoped Gee wouldn't want to make me eat anything when we got home. I walked the empty corridor and would have enjoyed the silence if I could have enjoyed anything at all.

"Oh, Waaay, baby, we’ve been looking for you _everywhere_!" I heard a female voice behind me and turned around with a slightly interested expression. I saw some jocks - a girl and two boys - approaching me and they were obviously trying to look frightening. I recalled they were in my History class this year.

"Well, I feel very special now." I grimaced but tried to back away as a reflex.

"Don't be so clever, you think we don't know you are the reason we write a test on the world war shit tomorrow?" the tallest one with gigantic eyebrows smirked at me. I literally couldn't care less about them but I had a strong feeling they were coming too close for this to be just a casual, friendly conversation.

//

"Oh, guys, I didn’t even mention where I saw our dear Mikey-boy last weekend!" the girl in high heels and too red lipstick spoke with an evil grin.

"I'm just _dying_ to know, Kenzie." the third, the pimply fat boy in the school team's red and white jersey acted as if he was really interested in what 'Kenzie' was going to say. I really wasn't, especially that I knew already.

"He was at Iero's party, with his little fucking boyfriend!" the black-haired girl laughed loudly. Pimply Jersey looked shocked for a moment but then joined in with the ugliest laugh I've ever heard.

"Really now?" Lanky Eyebrows looked at me with a thoughtful expression and stepped even closer. That's when I hit the wall with my back.

"I don't _have_ a boyfriend." I told them and I instantly regretted it because I felt like a wave of frustration and sadness wash over me. I couldn't look at them in the eye and felt a lump growing in my throat.

"Aww, what's that?" Pimpleface pouted at me. "Why the puppy eyes, _fag_?" he put his huge hand on my shoulder and I tensed under it. He pushed me back and stood close to me, trying to look scary. He didn't really succeed, though.

"Don't be afraid, pretty boy, we don't bite." the girl smirked and petted my face. She leaned closer and pursed her lips as if she were about to kiss me. She pressed herself against my body, her boobs about to fall out of her tank top. I wanted to push her the fuck away but decided against it. It wouldn't have been the cleverest move to get myself out of this situation.

"Let him be." the third commanded calmly and they both did immediately as they were told to. They stepped away from me and the skinny guy stood in their place. "He's not scared, right, faggy?" he asked but I knew better than to talk back. "He's just a sad little _flower_ , aren't you?" he leaned closer, as if examining my face. The other two were giggling behind him, but Eyebrow silenced them with a look. He was clearly planning on doing something _funny_. "You can pretend you're strong, but you're not, you're just weak, Way. Weak and alone. You have nobody here, not your brother, what's his name? Jared? Iero is not here, either." he was looking at me in the eye, his grey irises shining with the joy of shaming me. "Just your gay little ass with the three of us. Nobody's gonna be back for another good fifteen minutes." he said, as if reminding himself they had time for beating me up or whatever they wanted.

"Faggots are disgusting." he narrowed his eyes at me, tilting his head to the right with a sick grin. He obviously saw me flinching. "What is so appealing about having a cock up in your ass?" he asked, eyeing me in the way you look at filth on the tread of your shoe. "You miss him now?" he grinned at me. "Oh, don't worry, just another hour and you'll be back home with him. You can have as much sex as you want to." he wiggled his eyebrows.

"Shut. The. Fuck. Up." I whispered hatefully and it added to his glee.

"Your little fuck buddy must be so happy to fuck you. Or do you fuck him? Nah, I don't think so, you look like a girl anyway. Wait, do you hold hands in the street, too, as normal people do?"

//

I don't know how it happened, but the next thing I saw was the skinny guy on the floor, grabbing his bleeding nose. My knuckles hurt and looking at them I realised the wound ripped open. I hit the guy, maybe even broke his nose, judging from the look on his face. The other two were staring at me in silent awe, mouths open widely.

I found it was the moment for me to run. I pushed myself away from the wall and rushed past them. Eyebrows roared something and I knew 'Kenzie' and Pimply would follow me. I ran as fast as my legs would bring me, not looking back, just making my way along the empty hallway. I breathed heavily as I pushed the door open and I immediately saw Gee's car. I ran the last meters grabbing at my side because it burned. I couldn't stop, however.

Arriving at his jet-black car, I tore up the door and jumped in. I hardly took a look at Gerard's surprised face before turning towards the school. I saw the two jocks racing out and I yelled:

"What the fuck are you waiting for?! _Go!_ "

Gee got back to his senses and stepped on it. By the time Eyebrows joined his minions, we were already on the road.

Gerard wanted to ask, that was obvious. Ask why I called him just twenty minutes prior, telling him to pick me up and why I was now running away from bullies. I mean, not much can happen in a lunch break, right? However, he was just looking at me from the corner of his eyes, still concentrating on the road.

"Go ahead, ask." I told him. He raised his eyebrows, not really suspecting me to talk.

"How come you actually talk today?" he asked and I grimaced. I knew I was an jerk to him but my soul needed all the kindness for myself, there wasn’t enough for the two of them.

"Almost getting beaten up really lifts my spirit." I told him in a monotone voice.

"At least your precious cynism is back." he mumbled. "So, who were those guys? I guess not your friends."

"I don't even know. Homophobe assholes." I shrugged and turned away from him.

"You mean-"

"Yeah."

There was a minute of silence before Gerard actually spoke again. His voice was much softer and more careful.

"Mikey, you have to talk about it sooner or later."

"No, I don't." I snapped at him.

"Mikes-"

"Shut up, Gee, I won't fucking whine about it!" I told him harshly. "I was an idiot, I fucked up, but believe me, I won't make the same mistake again." I promised. "I don't need therapy, I'm not some teenage girl with a broken heart."

"Well, you _are_ a teenager." he shrugged. "With a broken heart."

"Very funny."

"Look, Mikey, I mean it. Let me help you." he looked at me in the eye as long as the road let him.

"You can't."

Gerard huffed but didn't push the subject. He concentrated at the road in front of him. I saw the worry in his eyes but didn't understand it. I was totally fine.

 _Fine_ meaning 'no broken bones' and 'only slightly hurt feelings'. The endeavour had taught me one thing, however. I couldn't trust just anybody. It was a huge mistake to kiss and be affectionate towards Pete at the party with so many strangers around. It was my fault to be so damn reckless and naïve, thinking it wouldn't find its way to the bullies in school.

 _Fine_ didn't mean I was okay, thought. Every time I thought about something vaguely connected to Pete, like clever lyrics or pizza, I felt my stomach becoming the size of a button and my hands started shaking. Lump in the throat and stingy eyes were sometimes part of the package, too. I hated that his memory had such an effect on me. I knew time would make it better - or at least so people said - but I was impatient and desperately wanted to feel nothing towards him. The mention of his name was already burning my tongue.

Gerard stopped the car in front of our house. I got out and he followed, locking the doors. I walked up to the front porch and found the front door open. I looked at it frowning.

"Frankie's sleeping over." Gee explained quietly.

"Of course he is."

I could see he wanted to ask if it was a problem. Ridiculous. The fact that my love life was a tragedy (comedy?) didn't mean I wanted his to be it, too.

We made our way into the kitchen and he stepped to the coffee machine. After taking a look at it, he held it out towards me. I raised an eyebrow at the sight of the black liquid.

"Why?" was all I asked. We were usually fighting over coffee like life depended on it.

"You might want it." he shrugged as if it was nothing but was glaring at me cautiously.

"Okay, Gerard, look." I sighed and suddenly felt like I was a hundred years old. "You don't need to walk on eggshell around me, I don't need anybody's pity and I sure as hell don't want you to try and protect me. You get it? I can handle it myself."

A moment of silence followed my words and I really hoped Gee understood what I meant. It seemed like he did, until he spoke again.

"So do you want the coffee?"

I gave a frustrated groan and turned around. I walked away, leaving Gerard to drink it, because he was in need of it if Frank was going to _sleep_ over.

Speak of the devil, right after I entered the hall, I stumbled into a rather small person.

"Hey, woah." Frank took a half step back as I almost knocked him over. He stood in front of me and looked at my face like he was analysing my expression. I did my best to hide every emotion I had. "Mikey boy, are you okay? Gee told me you called him and he was fairly panicking, because, you know, it was just a week ago-"

"Frankie." Gerard called from behind my back but I didn't wait for what he was about to say.

"Yeah, I'm fucking fine, thanks for your concern." I mumbled with no emotion and walked past him and up the stairs, taking the steps two at a time.

The last thing I wanted was everybody to act like I was made of sugar, ready to melt in any moment. Why were they acting as if my break-up was such a big thing? As if it affected them in any way? It did _not_. It was my private fuck-up, but I've learned the lesson.

No more Pete Wentz.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what do you guys think would happen next?:33 also, sorry for the filler but that's all i had time for now  
> But i promise the next chapters will make you either hate me or... well, hate me


	10. My brother slapping my ex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikey's first Gym class.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i knooooooooow i don't deserve any comments or kudos because i have been gone for almost wHOLE DAMN MONTH but i honestly do have an excuse which nobody is interested about so just please accept my apologies and enjoy this chapter because there's even more violence and homophobia than in the previous one yaay!

I had some ideas of what was waiting for me on Tuesday. However, I still wasn't afraid. It wouldn't have been a first experience of getting beaten up in my life.

I have never been a popular kid. My hair was weird, my attitude as well, borderline asshole ish. I liked to think it was just awesome but most people, apparently, didn’t find it that funny. I also had some pretty strange older friends, so I wasn't really keen on making friends in school either.

Walking in the school building - only minutes to being late, as per usual - I saw some people glancing towards me secretly, and I frowned at that. As I made my way, more and more started to act strangely. Some were actually staring and whispering to their friends. Passing a small group of girls by, I heard my name, followed by an immediate 'but he's a sissy'. I winced at the comment.

It must have been about Lanky Eyebrows' broken nose. I still didn't really know how I could hit him. I considered myself a pacifist, yet I gave a bully a nosebleed. I was quite proud but not proud enough to want people to talk about it. It didn't stop the gossiping, however.

If he told others about it, it only could mean one thing.

I was in trouble.

 

Turns out, it was an understatement.

"Sweet little Mikey Way." Pimpleface greeted me, as I stepped into the locker room before Gym. He had a grin on his face, and looking around I noticed the other boys wearing similar expressions.

I didn't respond, just turned around and walked right out. I had no intentions in getting myself killed that day, so I found it best to get away.

I didn't even close the door behind me when I turned around and-

"Way, what the hell are you doing here?" the gym teacher stood in front of me. He was a lot shorter than me but it didn't mean a thing. He was like a small cloud, all his muscles firm and suntanned. He gave me body issues from only looking at him. "Don't even think about skipping, boy. I haven't seen you in the gym since... well, like never." He held my upper arm, and turned me around so I faced the door again. "You need to gain muscles, you look like a worm. Get in there and get changed, or else I'll make sure you fail, understood?" he asked, threateningly. Not like really needed to say anything to make me afraid of him at this point.

I pushed the door handle and opened the door slowly. The first thing I saw was of course Pimply, looking at me as if he had been expecting the exact same thing to happen.

"So you do join us today." A blond guy asked me, laughing at it a bit. He had no shirt on, and I could see his six-packs. It was a rather pretty sight, I had to say. Even though the guy himself was a douche.

"Look at him, Jamie, he's fucking staring!" Pimply laughed even louder, others joining in. "I think you got yourself a fangirl here!"

They all found it very funny and one of them even gave him a high-five. I didn't think it was that much of a good joke. I still didn't talk, knowing from the day before that it wouldn’t help. I walked to my locker and took out my clothes.

I've always hated Gym, but considering I usually just skipped it, I couldn’t say I got actual injuries from it. Yet.

“Catch it, creampuff!” in the gym a tall brunette yelled and threw the basketball at me with such a force that I had to step back when I caught it. It hit my chest, however and I gave a painful moan. He and his friends laughed so hard I was almost afraid they would end up on the floor, dying from laughter. The gym echoed and I saw Pimply walking up to me.

“Welcome, to our world, Way.” he greeted with a grin and I grimaced.

“Smells like you, for sure.”

His eyes grew wide and his face showed actual amusement.

“You still haven’t learned you should keep your mouth shut, have you?” he asked and punched me in the stomach. I couldn’t hold back a cough and I stooped, letting the ball fall from my arms. He walked away from me, towards the others, but I wasn’t going to let him win.

“Motherfucker.” I peered up at him from behind my glasses which were surprisingly still on my nose. I saw his nostrils widen and mouth pull into a grimace. I was not going to give him the satisfaction of seeing me lose mutely. He was about to come back to me and hit me in the face, probably, when the gym’s door opened and the teacher came in. Pimply took a look at him and one at me, and eventually decided to leave me.

“Come on, ladies, make two teams, we’re playing basketball. Way, you too. This is a game played with an orange ball, you ever heard of it?” he asked, taking the one I’d just dropped in his hands and throwing it at Jamie. He caught it as if it was nothing. The boys erupted in laughter, and I decided I hated the sound of laughing. “James, Paul, you two are the captains. Choose teams.” he ordered, and it turned out ‘Paul’ was Pimply’s name. Whatever, I was still calling him Pimpleface.

“Daniel.” Jamie started, and a redhead walked up to him.

“Max.” Pimply called and he waved the brown haired asshole over to him who threw the ball at me.

“Shane.” small but muscular.

“Josh.” dumb looking long-haired.

“Tommy.” braces with straw blond quiff.

“Blake.” messy black manbun.

“Andy.” half-Irish sexist jerk.

“Sam.” smelly junkie.

“Tim.” small and slim but fast.

“Gabe.” tall, fat and cruel.

Suddenly everybody grew silent and I peered up from my feet to see why. I was the only one left between the two captains.

“No way I’ll take him.” Paul shook his head, obviously liking the way he was embarrassing me in front of all his friends.

“Then James, you won Mr. Yay.” the teacher spoke not too enthusiastically. Pimpleface and his team cheered while Jamie’s groaned objecting. The captain rolled his eyes and waved me over to him.

“Just try… staying out of the way.” he told me as the teams walked up to their places.

“Heh. _Way_.” the guy I remembered as Tommy mumbled to himself.

“Well, no one’s ever made that joke before.” I grimaced and he looked surprised I actually talked back.

“You’ll get fucking gutted if you don’t learn how to shut your mouth. Idiot.” the guy with the name Andy informed me and didn’t say anything else. It was not threatening, more like a friendly reminder. I didn’t answer that. It was time to play basketball.

I was standing in front of Pimply, and he probably made it clear for his teammates that I was his prey, because nobody even looked at me but him. He was watching me with cruelty in his eyes and I really wanted to just break all my bones so he wouldn’t have to do it.

“Ready, sweethearts?” the teacher called, placing his whistle between his lips. He took the ball in his hand and held it between Paul and Jamie. When both captains nodded, he blew it and threw the ball up in the air.

 

After the worst gym class of my life, I was sitting in the locker room, changed but sweaty and having pain in places I didn’t even imagine to be capable of hurting. I was sure my ribs would have purple bruises and my leg as well for two weeks. Even my teammates didn’t make it easier for me; I got some elbows in my guts and tripping from them, too.

“Are you alright, princess?” Manbun asked me and I almost gave him a middle finger but held myself back.

“I’m fine, thanks for asking.”

“How was your very first sport experience?” Pimpleface pouted at me as he took off his shirt and I saw he was sweaty and disgusting under it. I didn’t answer, though. “I was talking to you, Milkyway.” he walked up to me.

I saw the others looking at each other behind him and they seemed a bit confused with why Pimply was still provoking me. I clearly was more than done for a week.

Paul put his palm under my chin and pushed my head back against the wall. I couldn’t break away from him, and he forced me to look in his eyes.

“Are you still not aware of the ways I can make you suffer, huh?” he whispered.

“Gosh, who hurt _you_?” I asked, but since he pressed my chin upwards it came out as a mumble between my teeth. Pimply could catch it, though, and I got a massive punch in my jaw.

Stars were dancing in front of my eyes and I could hear my jaw cracking but I didn’t care. I threw myself at him. I was fed up with his bullying and decided to end it. I knew I was going to get myself in trouble and that I would have even more pain than I had already but I couldn’t take it anymore. I hit his temple and he gave me a punch in the nose. I glasses eventually fell off. I kicked Pimply in the knee and he backed away with a surprised yelp. I was about to hit him again when two hands grabbed my arms from the behind. It was the fat boy, and he held me firmly. I couldn’t even move.

Pimpleface threw a punch in my ribs and I yelled out.

“You fucking fag!” Paul called as he kicked my tight and punched my stomach. I felt like throwing up. “You monster, disgusting motherfucker-“

“Okay, it was enough, Paul.” Jamie grabbed Pimply’s arm and pulled him away from me. He was definitely stronger than him. I finally could take a breath but the pain in my guts was unbelievable.

“It was not, look at this fucking queer and tell me he doesn’t deserve it!” Pimpleface tried to get to me again and I really hoped he won’t because I had enough. I thought too much of my fighting skills. My vision was blurred and I felt my face was already puffy.

“Let him go, Gabe.” Jamie commanded and I felt the big guy’s grip loosen on me. I couldn’t keep my balance, I fell to the ground and hit it hard. I gave a small yelp and the last thing I heard before passing out was Pimply calling me a ‘dicksucker’.

 

I woke up to cold water in my face and shivered. The skin it touched was sensitive and I wanted to hit anybody who did it to me but apparently, even opening my eyes was a challenge.

“Wake up, Way, we need to get out of here.” I heard a voice next to me. I decided I needed to get up eventually and I pushed myself up into sitting position. It hurt like hell, my bones were on fire and my muscles were like they were made of needles.

“Jamie?” I asked and I could hardly make out his face. “What happened?”

“I’ll tell you everything, just hurry up. I don’t want Coach to find us in here.” I felt him pushing something in my hand and I realised they were my glasses. I put them up and saw the locker room was empty, it was only the two of us. Jamie grabbed my upper arm and helped me to my feet. I almost fell again but held myself. Jamie took his bag and mine. We left the locker room, and I was happy to see the hallway was empty. The next period must have started already.

“What the hell happened?” I asked, and I felt my jaw crack as I talked. I hoped it wouldn’t get any serious.

“I threw Paul out until the others gathered their things and then let him in and made him pack. It was just the two of us and I was watching him judgingly and then he left without a word. I put your things in your locker.” he explained as we made our way out of the school.

“Eh, thanks.” I didn’t look at him. “But… why did you stop him in the first place?”

“What do you mean?” Jamie asked, genuinely not understanding.

“Well, he’s your dude and I thought- whatever. Just thanks.” I told him awkwardly.

“Look, the fact that he’s a bully to others doesn’t mean I have to be, too, just because we’re friends.” he explained and we finally made it out of the school building. The sun was shining but it was fucking cold and I pulled my jacket tighter. “He crossed a line. He was a jerk.”

“Yeah, he was.” I agreed softly. We were standing side by side and it started to become uncomfortable in the silence, when Jamie saw two emo girls standing in the parking lot, smoking.

“Come on.” he told me as he walked down the stairs. I followed him, as the girls watched our every movement. They both had fringes and were dressed in black, obviously. Their eyes were thickly rimmed by eyeliner and it reminded me of somebody I really didn’t want to think about.

“Hey, pretty boys, what’s up?” the brunette asked quite cheerfully, and the other just watched me. I’ve seen them in the hallway, I recalled, but didn’t know them.

“Mikey, this is Alicia and Jamia.” then both greeted me and I returned it. The black haired, Alicia, smiled at me and looked at me from head to toe.

“What are you doing out here, guys?” she asked, glancing at Jamie for a moment before returning to me. “Aren’t good boys supposed to be in class?” she took a swig of her cigarette and blew it out, making an O shape with her black lips. I tried not to stare.

“Well yeah, I am, but Mikey should go home now.” the blond guy looked at me and I knew there was a pretty bruise blooming on my jaw so I didn’t protest. “Could you take him home?”

“We were just about to leave, actually.” Alicia nodded.

“Fine.” Jamie said and after thanking them, he gave me my backpack and went inside.

I would have never thought that someone like him would ever help someone like me. He looked like the stereotype of a jock. Maybe I was with just as much prejudice against others as they were towards me.

“So, Mikey.” Jamia was staring at my face rather openly. “You look like as if you were hit by a truck.”

“Not far from the truth.” I grimaced but she just chuckled.

“What happened?” Alicia asked and I shrugged. I didn’t want to answer it. I didn’t really have answers I wanted to share. I was just an idiot, again. They fortunately let it slip and we got into Alicia’s car. She drove out on the road and took a wrong turn. I was starting to become a bit anxious because they looked like they could sell my organs, actually.

“I don’t really… live this way.” I chimed in and saw Alicia chuckling in the rear-view.

“Oh, it’s nothing, I just asked Al to drop me at the college.” Jamia turned back to me. She never stopped smiling at me and it was starting to become a bit disturbing. Or maybe I was just being a jerk. “I have a friend to visit.”

The college was actually quite close to our school, so the ride was over before the silence could have turned unbearably awkward. Jamia was looking out of the window and I caught Alicia peering at me in the mirror. I tried to ignore it because I really didn’t know how to react to it. She was kind of creepy but in a strangely positive way, if there is such thing.

The car parked right in front of the main gate of the college and Jamia got out. She leaned down before closing the door as if she wanted to say something, but she just smiled at Alicia, and gave me a wink. I frowned at it, but didn’t ask. She walked away, towards what I assumed was the main building.

“So where do you live, sweetheart?” Alicia asked and I was about to answer her when I saw them.

They were walking side by side on the lawn in front of the building, and he looked up at that bastard with such a loving expression that I felt a twist in my gut. I didn’t want to see it, I didn’t _need_ it right then. I was almost fucking over him – meaning I didn’t feel like shit constantly in the past few days – so _of course_ this had to happen! Gabe was talking about something, not too enthusiastically, and not even looking at Pete. They sat down on a bench and Pete took his hand. My chest felt like it was full of water and I couldn’t do anything but watch. Pete told Saporta something and he just chuckled at it, still not too interested in him. Despite being like a hundred meters away from them, I saw Pete’s expression change as he decided what he would do.

It was like slow-motion. I watched as Pete put his hand on Gabe’s cheek and turned him towards himself. He didn’t really make it very romantic, just puckered his lips and pushed them against Saporta’s. Pete closed his eyes, a bit too tightly and Gabe’s hands fell on his hips, instantly pulling him closer. Pete tangled his fingers in Gabe’s hair and kissed him more passionately.

My mouth went dry and I didn’t find my voice. I vaguely processed Alicia turning to look at me and then glancing in the other direction to find out what I was staring at.

That’s when I saw a furious looking Gerard pacing towards them and shouting out for Pete. He opened his eyes and pulled away instantly, hopping on his feet. Saporta didn’t bother to stand up, he was just watching from where he was sitting. Ray was running after Gee and got to him while he was yelling at Pete, the smaller guy trying to defend himself, and the next thing I saw was Gerard slapping Pete.

My heart stopped for a moment and I saw everybody else watching the scene with wide eyes. It was all still for a second, until Gabe started laughing. There was really nothing funny about it. Gerard just walked away, rushing past people around them, and Ray, after coming back to his senses, followed him. Nobody expected Gee to be able to do anything like this. Neither did I.

“Woah, what the hell was _that_?” Alicia asked, turning back towards me, concerned.

“My brother slapping my ex.” I mumbled, still watching Pete, who was standing embarrassed while the others finally stopped staring at him and went back to their things.

“Your ex, you mean the guy who just kissed the laughing asshole.” she checked and I nodded, face pulling into a grimace. “Well, that sucks.”

“Yeah, tell me about it.” I replied, looking down on my lap.

“God, I wish I had a brother to beat up my exes. Yours is badass.” she offered a small smile and I hesitantly but returned it. It wasn’t very happy, but I meant it.

“I know.”

Even though I told Gerard to stay out of this, it meant a lot to me that he stood by me. Even when I wasn’t supposed to be there. He wasn’t a bad brother, he just tended to get on my nerves on purpose. I knew I could count on him when it really mattered.

“Let’s get you home, champ.” Alicia chimed in and the engine roared. I told her my address and she took me home. We were silent on the way and I tried counting the trees on the side of the road to distract myself from the scene I’ve just witnessed but it didn’t really help.

When I got out of the car in front of our house, I thanked Alicia for taking me home. I felt like all my muscles were about to fall off my bones; everything hurt and I couldn’t even pretend it didn’t. I approached the front door agonisingly slowly and was about to sink in self-pity again when Alicia called after me.

“Wait, Mikey!” I turned around and I saw her waving me over. I frowned but went back to her, hating how my body was screaming against every movement. Alicia was rummaging around in her bag on the front seat, and she eventually pulled a pen out of it. “Give me your hand.” she asked. I held it out for her and she scribbled numbers on it. “This ex thing seems to be a bit… fresh, but you could… you know, call me.” she smiled at me, shrugging a little. Her expression was soft and understanding.

I didn’t really know how to respond. She seemed to be a nice girl and I didn’t want to tell her I won’t call. Also, I didn’t really think she had some serious intentions with this. She maybe just saw my pathetic puppy eyes and wanted to make me feel better.

“Alright.” was my response. No promises.

“Then, see you.” she nodded, smile still on her lips. She waved as she drove away. I was watching as the car rolled down the road and I was thinking that this might have been the strangest day I ever had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyone shipping Alicia/Mikey?  
> /totally/ no reason for asking tho


End file.
